Chronological
by SephrinaRose
Summary: Kanda had been dying from the moment he was made, he knew death like the back of his hand. So, to him, it was obvious when its had its nasty claws stuck into another. Even if that 'another' was fifteen year old Allen Walker. Multi-chappie fic. Indefinite Hiatus
1. Chapter 1

Hey peeps. New multi-chappie fic. It is proably gonna be sad, but I wont be quick. I have plans.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM

Enjoy

* * *

Parasitic innocence.

It was in the name, really. Parasitic. What was a bigger hint than that? Parasites did nothing but take. Take and take _and take_ until there was nothing left.

It was the fate that Allen Walker was bound to the day he was put on this forsaken earth.

Yes. Innocence was for the greater good. It was fantastic, evolutionary...and it was in the name. Innocence. Beauty, light and purity came to mind at the word.

But, it too, destroyed.

It destroyed akuma, it destroyed noah...and it was destroying Allen.

He really should have figured it out much sooner. He felt like an idiot to not realise his own fate.

But it really wasn't in human nature to accept your own murder.

Because that was what it was, wasn't it? A murder. He was being murdered by the innocence within his own body.

He couldn't fight it, couldn't escape it...it was inside him. It wasn't an enemy, and it certainly wasn't a friend. It kept him alive, but it was also killing him.

And he hated it.

He was Allen Walker. Gentlemen and all round nice guy. A smile was forever on his face...But he hated this. He hated living.

Every day that slow ache in his heart grew. Slowly expanded though his body like a deadly virus slowly seeping in. He hated feeling so weak, so helpless. He felt it in every breath, in every thought.

He was going to die.

He didn't _want_ to die. Who did? But it wasn't just a simple want... Because in all honesty, he was _completely_ terrified.

...But he also hated living.

And unfortunately for him, there was no in between.

* * *

Kanda was dying.

But, to him, that word had lost its severity long ago. He had been dying from the moment he was..._made._

Yes...made. Kanda had been made, not born. He was a second exorcist, some concoction whipped up by his desperate superiors. Chronologically he was nine, but he was also nineteen.

Ten years of his life that simply didn't exist.

Otherwise, he felt normal. He went day by day as any other human did. He didn't miss this part of his life, because he didn't really know any different. Others would freak-out after discovering that ten years of their life never actually happened...but Kanda didn't. He never really had those years, so he didn't know what it was like to have them taken away.

But he didn't care. Boohoo for him. Whatever. He couldn't care less.

...But he _was_ dying.

His lotus petals were dwindling, and his end approached quickly. He estimated about a year, maybe two if he was lucky.

Yes, he would never be twenty one. But he didn't care about human years of life. Age did not restrict him, because he never really fit into the chronological scheme of the world.

But, if he were to be _chronological_...He would never reach twenty one, or sixteen for that matter, because he would never _really_ be eleven.

Tada! That's him trying to be chronological for ya.

Another reason why he didn't do things for others. Or let them do things for him. He was a mess which he didn't bother to clean up. He didn't want prying eyes.

He was fine being the infamously cold samurai.

Especially when it came to Allen Walker.

The little kid was perceptive. Annoyingly so. He had been though a lot, maybe even more than Kanda and Lenalee combined. He understood the world in ways kanda couldn't fathom.

But he was an annoying little shit.

He was too _damn_ happy. Always smiling and laughing.

And if there was sometime Kanda hated more than prying...it was people being dishonest to themselves.

The kid was not happy.

To him, it was as clear as day. Even on the first day he met him, The boy had looked like a tiny baby bird, all thin and fragile. He looked so mistreated, even to the untrained eye. And yet he still smiled at him like everything was okay.

And it clearly wasn't.

But, over the months...it had deepened. Allen was eating more than his usual truck load. Kanda watched the disgusting process occasionally. Allen always ate a lot, but Kanda noticed that it was steadily increasing. And he would sit there, all alone...eating his food like it was a chore.

Allen always enjoyed food. It was his favourite pastime. But now he ate like he had too, like it was simply for his survival.

And Kanda had been hit by the sudden realisation that it was.

Allen Walker was dying, same as him.

Kanda watch him closer from then on, noting his developing habits. Not that he cared of course. The kid was dying, big whoop. But death was a constant companion of Kanda's, He knew it within himself when it found another.

Even a child like Allen

Yes, Kanda was being a hypocrite. He too was a dying child. Allen's approaching death should be no less tragic then his.

The death of a child was one of the most tragic affairs known to man. And they were two dying children.

But that was being chronological.

Otherwise, he was a young man, dying from the disease – _curse_ – that had been put upon him to allow him to survive. So, in all honesty, he wasn't really dying.

He was just ceasing to exist.

He wasn't dying, he was just at the end of his life.

...But Allen was different.

He _wasn't_ at the end of his life, but yet he _was_ dying. How was that right? Allen followed the chorological order of the world. He was _born_, he was raised, and he was living as normally as the Destroyer of Time could.

But he was dying?

He hadn't messed with time, he hadn't screwed up the basic functions of the world...not like Kanda.

Kanda knew his death was a requirement of him living...but was Allen's?

He didn't need to die. He shouldn't have to die. But he was.

And Kanda at least hoped he would be dead so he wouldn't have to see it.

* * *

Darkness swallowed Allen. It pulled him under like tar, sweeping in round him and refusing to let him go.

He was trapped.

Allen tried to cry out for help, the tar keeping him immobile. He wanted to scream, wanted to cry.

A face appeared in front of him. It was the face of a rotting corpse, eyeballs exposed and rotting tissue peeling.

_"Why did you do this to me, Allen?"_

"I'm sorry!" he screamed. "I didn't mean to hurt you! Please, forgive me!" He cried out, tears leaking behind his closed eyelids.

"_You don't deserve forgiveness!"_ The decaying face screeched.

He kept his eyes shut, screaming bloody murder as he felt his fear reach a screeching crescendo. Cold and clammy flesh scratched at him, trying to tear him apart from all sides.

_"You deserve death!" _He cried openly, shaking his head slowly side to side as he felt his body be torn to pieces.

"Oh please don't Mana. Please!" He pleaded.

And then he felt teeth at his throat.

He screamed out, louder than ever before as his life was slowly torn from him.

"Moyashi! Allen damnit!"

Allen cried out, before he was pulled out of the darkness, the sticky tar falling from his skin.

And then he felt no more.

* * *

The little brat was screaming.

...And it was honestly the most soul destroying sound Kanda had heard.

He lent over the boy, having run to his room at the screams. It was honestly like he was being murdered.

Kanda arrived in the room down the hall, only to find the boy curled in his sheets. Clothing crinkled and face streaked with tears. Blood ran from his lips, running down his neck.

But he was having a nightmare.

Kanda found himself over the top of the boy, shaking him awake.

"Oi Moyashi! Allen Damnit!" He yelled out, shaking the boy as the screaming refused to stop.

The boy sudden snapped awake, looking up at Kanda with wide terrified eyes. Kanda found himself seeing the boy Allen kept inside. The real Allen. He looked so small, so fragile...even more so than usual. He looked like a small child, hair mussed and eyes wide. He was gasping for breath, like his lungs weren't taking in enough oxygen.

He looked so easily breakable.

Kanda eased himself off the boy, afraid that his weight could break him. He watched as Allen came to, looking at Kanda with wide eyes and slowing breathing.

Before it was all shut away.

Allen sat up in his rumpled sheets, breathing even and eyes even. He wiped the blood from his face, before he smiled at Kanda lightly.

"Hello Kanda" Allen greeted, as though the man hadn't been holding him down seconds ago.

"Don't '_hello Kanda' _me, Moyashi."He growled out.

"Well, sorry for waking you. Better?" He said, looking over at Kanda as he sat cross legged.

"No its not, dipshit." Kanda growled again. "Don't act all normal. I know what I saw, I know what I _heard_. That was no ordinary nightmare."

"Well you didn't have to come in here." Allen retorted, expression serious.

"Well your screaming was going to wake up the whole institute, would you prefer them all to see you like that?" Kanda hissed in response, leaning against Allen's wall.

"See me like what Kanda?" Allen questioned, eyes narrowed.

"All...vulnerable." Kanda said simply, deciding on the word. Allen hissed.

"I am _not_ vulnerable, Kanda." he growled out, voice vicious.

"I saw, Moyashi." Kanda reminded.

"You don't know what you are talking about." Allen insisted. Kanda look down at the blood staining Allen's palm.

"I think I do."

"Oh shut up, Bakanda!" "You always go around like you know everything, but you don't! You don't know me, you are nothing like me! Just leave me alone!" he cried out.

Kanda leapt across the space, pinning Allen to the wall, hand over his mouth. He knelt on the boy's bed, staring into his eyes.

"I know more than you think, Moyashi." Kanda hissed into his face, and Allen could only watch with narrowed eyes. "I know about you, I know what's wrong with you. You can't hide the mark of death from someone who's been dying for a long time."

Allen's eyes widened, before he shoved Kanda off him and to the floor. Allen lent over the edge of his bed, staring at the man with anger within his eyes.

"I'm not dying, baka! Don't be all dramatic with me! Oh yeah 'the mark of death'. Don't give me that crap!" Allen almost yelled.

Before he was knocked back into his mattress. Kanda straddled him roughly, throwing his weight over the boy. He grabbed his wrists, shoving them back into the mattress as he growled into his face.

"I am _dying_, Moyashi." he began. "And I have been dying since I was made. I know death better than anyone. And I can tell when someone else is dying. I know you are dying."

"It's your innocence, isn't it? It's tied with your life force and his physically _draining the life from you_." he finished, illustrating every syllable.

Allen only stared up at him, expressionless. Kanda waited as emotions fell across his eyes. Anger, Terror, Hate, Grief... Acceptance.

Allen didn't respond as tears slowly rolled down his cheeks. Kanda released the boy, leaning back and letting him breathe. He climbed off him, sitting by his side. Allen stayed in that position, staring up at the ceiling with hands next to his head. Kanda leaned back against the wall as the boy continued to cry, letting his legs out in front of him.

"I don't want to die Kanda." Allen said after a pregnant pause, voice quiet.

"Nobody does" Was all he said, neither male looking at each other.

"How do you do it? How do you live knowing your time is limited? How do you make plans for the future when you might not even live to see them?" Allen questioned, voice rough and quiet.

"That's the thing, I don't. I don't make plans, I don't plan ahead...I don't even think ahead. Everything's a set regime. Same soba, same job, same uniform. I don't need to think. And it helps."

"But I can't not think, Kanda." Allen admitted, still staring at the ceiling. "I need to think. I can't be a robot. I want to live the remainder of my life normal. I don't want everything to stop. I don't want to cease to live before I'm even dead."

"I can't be you. I can't live like you. I need to think, need to make decisions everyday. I need to deviate, change, reshape."

Kanda sighed. "We couldn't be more different, Moyashi. But if I know anything about death...it's that it's going to be hard. Hard on you, and on everyone you love. There's no point in denying that you will die soon. I'll give you five years, tops."

"But that doesn't mean that this is the end. Live, change, grow. Your bloody fifteen, Moyashi. Grow some more before you die, for my sake." He said with a smirk, looking down at the boy.

"Trust you to make _my death_ about you." Allen said, looking up at him with his own smile.

"Yeah, well that's why I'm the cold bastard." Kanda agreed.

Allen shook his head. "...I don't think that you're cold Kanda"

"Oh yeah? How so?"

"You just don't like change, and emotion could change you. It would make you think. You would rather die than think."

"I guess you could put it that way."

"And you are talking to me now, right? You're being nice."

"Only cause you're my death buddy." Kanda said, sighing again at the effort it took to hold a conversation. And besides, it was like two in the morning. He was allowed to be tired.

"Well" he said, standing up with very little grace. "I'm going back to bed"

Allen smiled at him as he walked towards the door, head following him.

"...Thank you." he said just as Kanda opened the door. The man turned back, looking at him.

"Yeah well you're still a Moyashi." Kanda said with no small amount of snark.

"Good night, BaKanda." Allen counted, a genuine smile on his lips.

Kanda decided he wanted to see more of his genuine smiles.

"Yeah, night." he said, shutting the door behind him and thinking about his warm bed with no small amount of desire.

Yeah...the boy would always be a Moyashi in his books.

* * *

So, how was it?

Good? not? Let me know.

See you next chappie?

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry guys. Its a bit short cause I have limited time on my laptop, thanks mum :(

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM

Enjoy~

* * *

Life had never been kind to Kanda Yuu.

His existence was only for the purpose of destroying akuma, so was every exorcist's existence. But, the difference was that he didn't have a choice.

He didn't decide to join this cause, he was made for it.

He didn't get to decide if this was what he wanted to spend his life doing. He didn't get to decide what he made of his life. He was made for this sole purpose.

But, despite everything he had been through...he couldn't find it within himself to hate them.

Them meaning his comrades. Not them meaning the bunch of bastards that controlled their lives.

He could hate them just fine.

Not just because of what they did to him, but because of what they had done to everyone. They were so focused on this war that they lost every atom of humanity within themselves.

Now, Kanda was no Mother Teresa. But he had a heart. And that was all he needed. All anyone needed.

But they didn't have any. They were all dried up. Dried and shrivelled, no more room for anything else but this stupid war.

You could ask anyone. No one would tell you to your face...but they all knew it. While the Earl and his cronies' were a devastating threat...the ones they fought and died for weren't much better.

You would see it in their actions. In everything they did, people suffered. And sometimes, all that suffering and pain was for naught.

Like when Allen stabbed himself to save the order, causing himself unimaginable pain. Or when Lenalee was moulded and broken so she would fit the damn boots.

Some good came out of the things they did, but not enough for them to have any humanity left.

Allen had his massive scar, and Lenalee had her psychological trauma.

Kanda hadn't come out clean either.

Almost every exorcist suffered some type of metal or physical scaring because of what they were forced to do. Every time they fight, they always loose something.

And, like Kanda, Allen was on an express train to hell. Or heaven. Kanda couldn't care less what he had in store. He couldn't think about that. He had enough problems living than contemplating what he might face when he died.

Allen had been used up. Forced to fight when he had nothing left. Sucked dry of everything he had. His innocence had nothing left to draw power from...so it used his life force.

And he frick'n let it.

He was always such a good little boy. Listen to everything they said and obeyed every order. Except for Alma. His heart had seen the true ways of his superiors, like a light that had found its way through the dark.

Before it faded away again.

Allen was strong. But he thought his superiors had the best intentions. As though that by listening to their beck and call, he could somehow save every soul.

Kanda had to give him that.

But, he was young. Naive in Kanda's opinion. And he let his heart decide his life. It would be a good way to live, as a normal human, that is.

But not in the Black Order.

The black order would crush him. And they had almost done it. He was like fly struggling in a spider's web, wanting to fight but only minutes from certain death.

And now he was struggling to survive in their web of lies.

But, he was true to himself. He understood what he had in store. And even then, he tried to fight it with every ounce of his soul.

He had some real guts, and that what why Kanda tolerated him.

* * *

Today was just another bad day for Allen Walker.

Good days seemed so far out of reach at this point. He couldn't pin point the last time he felt reasonably okay.

...except maybe when Kanda came to his room.

But no. He couldn't rely on Kanda to make his pain go away. Kanda was not his mother. He had no responsibility for him.

But he couldn't deny that he enjoyed his company.

Sometimes.

Since then Kanda hadn't talked to him, but then again they hadn't been in private.

So maybe he didn't want people to know about their semi dysfunctional friendship?

If it could be called that.

But, he didn't have time to think about that. He had to focus all his energy into living.

Each day that feeling seemed to grow. From an airy but powerful virus to a heavy weight sitting inside him.

He didn't feel much physical pain that this stage. Not really.

But he felt that could change without any notice.

And so, today was just another bad day.

He sighed, slowly making his way to the bathrooms. He needed a shower. Badly.

He had always loved showers. Loved feeling everything he had experienced in that day slowly run down the drain and leaving him fresh.

It was like a boost that kept him moving. He hoped it could do its magic, even with his body and mind like this.

Allen pushed open the door, walking inside with his change of clothes and toiletries in his arms. The room was like any other bathroom in the order. Row of toilets and shower cubical, facing a mirror that expanded across the whole wall.

...God he hated those mirrors.

And what they meant to him. He could see everything wrong with himself in their reflections. His scars, his curse, his hair, his arm...his noah.

He walked past the mirror quickly, not turning to see the noah that watched him in the reflection. He quickly went inside the cubical, slamming the door shut and locking the door with shaking hands.

It locked with a firm click, lifting a small part of that weight in Allen's chest.

He sighed, letting out the breath he didn't know he had been holding.

Allen showered quickly, the patter of water on the tiles being the only sound in the empty room. He looked up at the ceiling, watching the steam disappear into the exhaust fan. He smiled a little, feeling the water wash away his bad day.

His eyelids fluttered shut, and he simply embraced the good feeling. They didn't come often these days.

He washed quickly, ignoring the feel of his raised scars under his hands. He looked down at his hands, holding them clasped under the spay.

He couldn't feel the water on his black arm. But, he never felt anything. It wasn't a surprise.

Be moved the fingers, hearing the joints click and scrape as they moved. The material was completely innocence. A hard and unforgiving material.

But, now was not the time to be thinking about that. Other people had to use this hot water too.

Allen went to grab his towel from the top of his door.

Before his disappeared over the edge.

He gasped indignantly, before a voice covered it up.

"You know, if I was mean enough this could be a perfect opportunity to leave you stranded"

Lavi.

Allen huffed, naked and slowly becoming colder. He wrapped his arms around himself before huffing in reply.

"Real original Lavi." He just about hissed.

"Now now Moyashi, no need for a fit. I need to talk to you first."

"Well, can't you talk to me at a more appropriate time!" he asked.

"But I can't catch you alone for long enough, little sprout."

"Urgh" He groaned. "Just hurry up. I am naked and cold so if you don't hurry, I will punch you with my innocence fist. "He finished, put off by the nickname.

"Okay, okay." Lavi began, his voice becoming serious. "I've noticed a little something about you Allen. Something you are keeping from everyone."

Allen closed his eyes tightly, before trying to answer in a steady voice. "I really don't know what you are on about, Lavi."

It was steady, but Lavi had always been too smart for his own good.

"You can't lie to me, Allen. I know something's up." He replied.

Allen sighed again, tightening his arms around himself as water dripped from him.

"Look, do we have to talk about this now? We could talk another time?" he tried.

"No. You will find a way to avoid me. Now." Lavi counted.

Allen groaned, sitting on the floor and leaning back against the wall. He brought hisknees up to his body, wrapping his arms around them.

"...I'm dying."

He ignored the gasp from the other side of the door, continuing on.

"My innocence is killing me. Every time I use it, it takes my life-force. I don't even have to activate it for it to take a nibble. I use it to live, it covers the hole in my heart. It is slowly taking away my life, piece by piece. And it I really activate it, I might just die right were I stand."

He heard Lavi breathe heavily. Under the door his saw the man's knees. He was kneeling against the door. A bit of his light blue towel was visible against the older male's pants, so Allen took his chance.

He went forward, grabbing at the little corner and yanking. Lavi let it go, and Allen quickly stood up and wrapped it around himself.

"Don't bother trying to think of a way to save me. There isn't one. And even if there was one it would require my innocence to be taken from me. And that would make me a Fallen One. Also, even if I don't become one of those beasts, the order will find a way to kill me. Its checkmate, and I _will_ die Lavi."

He quickly dressed himself, but not doing up his shirt in his hurry. He just wanted out.

He opened the door, Lavi kneeling in front of him. His head was bowed, eye unseeing.

"...I'm sorry." Allen said, sadness overcoming him suddenly.

He did have people that loved him, and that would feel pain in his passing.

He had forgotten.

He quickly moved around the man, darting to the door. He walked out quickly, the sound of the door closing covering the words Lavi said next.

"But that's not how the Destroyer of Time is meant to die, Allen. And I won't let it."

* * *

So, good? I hope its going okay. I have a plan, and the next chappie will be up when I can write it.

Love you all.

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	3. Chapter 3

Bonjour mes amis!

This is a lazy kinda chapter, like a build up to the next one.

Disclaimer: I dont own DGM

Merci~

* * *

"Oi Moyashi." Kanda yelled, the only warning to when he bashed open Allen's door, letting it slam and bounce of the wall behind it.

Allen could hear Komui screaming about the repairs already.

"Hey there Kanda, nice to see you're acknowledging my existence after an entire week." He growled, hiding under his covers. One, he wanted to sleep. Two, he didn't want Kanda to see his body. He'd probably tease him relentlessly.

"Don't you sass me, sprout. I'm here 'cause Komui wants us, so get your little ass into gear." He growled back.

Allen could only sigh as he walked away. He closed his eyes again, savouring the last trendils of his dream world before they faded away.

Time to face reality.

He sat up, seeing himself in his clothes from yesterday. After he had run from Lavi, he'd just collapsed into bed. Even something as simple as running exhausted him. Allen stood, making a point to slam the door closed again before he changed into something less crinkled.

He was just finishing the ribbon around his neck when he lapsed into his thoughts.

What could Komui want from them? The Earl had been reasonably quite after the Egg incident, so it couldn't have anything to do with him...right?

He certainly hoped it wasn't a mission. He wouldn't be able to fight if his life depended on it. He didn't even know if he could activate his innocence.

Some exorcist he was.

He made his way out into the hall, finding Kanda leaning against the wall next to his door. At his appearance, Kanda took off down the hall, leaving Allen with the only option to follow him. He kept up a reasonable pace, despite the soreness in his limbs from the night before.

He couldn't look weak in front of Kanda...even if the man was a few meters ahead.

It was becoming clear that Kanda didn't want to talk to him. But, he found himself not caring. At the moment, he didn't want any pity or companionship. He was not that weak that he needed someone to comfort him. No, not yet.

But it would come.

He would fight it, but it would come. And to Allen, it would mean that he would lose his dignity. He was a man – a fifteen year old one, but that was irrelevant – he was not a little girl that needed to be coddled. He was an exorcist. He had to remember his oath to both humans and akuma. They came first.

...If he could activate his damn innocence.

* * *

"Komui, Moyashi and I are here." Kanda voiced, breaking his train wreck of thoughts and bringing him back to his reality. They were in front of Komui's door, the whole trip lost to Allen. He sighed, following Kanda inside.

They settled on the couches quickly, the man studying something at his mess of a desk. The older Lee looked up at them, finally acknowledging there existence.

"Ah" he said, leaning back in his chair. "I have summoned you here for a joint mission."

Allen sat still for a moment as he absorbed this.

And in this moment, he realised there was too many things wrong with that sentence.

One, he was going on a mission.

Two...it was with Kanda.

Going on a mission with Kanda was hard enough, let alone the fact that he was virtually helpless at the moment.

He groaned, falling back into the couch and staring up at the ceiling. He felt the couch move as Kanda did the same.

"Now, now." Komui chided. "You are both young men, and I'm sure you can handle a mission...or are you both too weak to complete something Lenalee is certainly capable of?"

Illness aside, Komui really knew where to hit hard.

Both feeling their man-dignity at stake, they jumped from their slouched positions and began listening attentively. Komui smiled, watching their attitudes complete a full 180° turn.

"Now that you are both so eager, I shall begin the briefing" he said, and so he did.

The 'briefing' went on for about a hour. Filled with arguments, glares and most importantly, abuse. Verbal abuse by both parties, which soon escalated to physical violence. Kanda left the room in a bad mood and frazzled hair, but not much else. But Allen...he was a different story.

While not very obvious (apart from the classic black eye) Allen was in a lot of pain. The fighting and arguing took a lot from him. He could feel bruising flowering beneath his clothing, brushing against the fabric at every step he took.

Slowly, he made his way back to his room. The rest of the order largely ignored him, knowing full well not to approach him after a classic 'Kanda Allen Fight'. He walked inside his room, before closing the door with his head. He lent against the wood, fighting the urge to just collapse where he stood.

Everything hurt. Every breath hurt, like there was thorns scraping the inside of his lungs. He grasped at his chest, trying to level his breathing. Eventually he sunk to his knees, rolling back against the wood. He leant over, bracing his head between his knees. He focused on breathing, in and out, in and out.

His eyes scrunched shut, shutting himself from the world around him.

In, out.

He scrunched up the fabric covering his chest. He fisted it harshly, as though trying to physically rip open his chest...just to make it all stop.

Slowly, so very slowly...it faded away.

Allen sat their for a moment, reeling from the sudden absence of pain he had grown used to. Now with it gone...he felt so empty.

He had adapted to the pain, made it apart of himself. Now that it had left him...he felt like he was no longer whole.

It was a stupid feeling, he had no reason feeling it. Pain was not something to be missed, to be mourned in its passing.

But it was all too familiar to Allen.

Pain, mostly. That was a regular companion...But he also knew emptiness.

His life had been a roller coaster of love and pain, hate and envy, fulfilment and emptiness.

He could be happy one moment, and destroyed the next. That was his whole childhood in a nutshell. Eventually, he had come to terms with it. He stopped hating the world and came to appreciate it. Not love it...never love it.

He couldn't love this world, not after what it had done to him.

He was a boy of fifteen, young by the worlds standards. But, despite that...he had experienced more than most adults had or ever will.

He was abandoned, he was hated, he was adopted, he was loved, he was a murderer, he was cursed, he was left behind.

And here he was...this was where his power had led him.

Yes, this wasn't such a bad way to live. He had a bed to sleep in every night. He had enough food to feed him...it wasn't so bad, not when many others had none of that.

But Allen could bet that they didn't have a inkling of the trauma Allen suffered everyday.

And he never lost a bet.

Allen sighed, laying back against his door. He looked over to the painting above his bed, the only adornment in his bare room.

But, he did have his driving principle.

"I'll keep walking Mana, even until my dying breath." he whispered, his voice carrying in the bare room.

He had given up on Mana's forgiveness long ago. He didn't deserve it. But, he would never give up on Mana's dying wish. And he would walk this path until the day he died.

Because it was the only thing he had left.

...

Thats it for now. I'm getting there slowly. :O

Anyway, see you soon...

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	4. Chapter 4

New chappie my pretties. Sorry if it's short D:

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM

Enjoy!

* * *

Allen stared blankly at the falling snow.

It was only November in England, but the snow had decided now was the right time to start falling.

But it _was_ beautiful.

Snow had been constant presence in his life. His birthday was generally during snow...since it was Christmas.

He sat on the wooden bench, watching people dart around the street in front of him. They were all wrapped up and tucked away in their many layers of clothing. For all he knew, they could be Noah since none of their skin was showing.

But that was how he lived now. Always cautious around the general population, never trusting anything or anyone.

It, essentially...was a life of fear.

They always said that they were winning this war. That the Earl would soon meet his end.

But Allen didn't believe that.

He knew he would live the rest of his life in fear. He knew the Earl would not be destroyed before his death.

But he wasn't really giving much leeway, considering he was gonna die soon.

But still , the worlds affairs wouldn't matter to him in death. He would never know if the earl got destroyed, or if the Akumal souls were all freed. Or that humans could live safely without that unknown threat looming and watching,

He knew he wouldn't never see the end of this war...but he would do as much as he could to help.

...but his resolve didn't count for anything if his innocence didn't work.

He might as fell die right here - on this bench - if that was the case.

"Oi, Moyashi" he heard from next to him. Allen turned to look up at his companion.

"When are you going to stop greeting me that way?" Allen sighed, standing up with his small briefcase.

Kanda huffed, not deeming that worthy of a reply, before walking into the building Allen had been sitting in front of.

The hotel.

Allen sighed again, following the Japanese man inside. As soon as the door closed behind him, he felt warmth envelop him. Smiling in content, he followed Kanda up the staircase.

The hotel was simple, quiet, unassuming.

Just what exorcists needed.

Kanda kept walking up the many stairs with little difficulty. But to Allen, they just kept going and going. He stopped for breath on the third flight, leaning against the ordinate barricade. Kanda turned, and Allen saw Kanda watching him from the corner of his eye.

Kanda sighed audibly.

The man walked back down the flight of steps and snatched his briefcase from him. Allen let it go without much complaint, following Kanda again as the man took off.

Eventually, they made it to their temporary accommodation.

Kanda already had the door unlocked by the time Allen arrived, and walking inside. Allen breathed heavily as he reached flat ground. He wanted to just collapse where he stood, but it would probably be less of a hassle if he collapsed on his bed.

And if he did collapse here, he knew for a fact that Kanda would leave him there, locking the door on him.

He groaned, before shuffling inside.

It was a smile room. Small bathroom and two single beds. Allen noticed that there was not two rooms, and that Kanda would be sleeping in the same room as him.

But he didn't have enough energy to care.

Allen just went to the bed Kanda hadn't claimed and flopped onto the mattress.

"You know." He heard Kanda speak after a moment. "Just because you are dying, doesn't mean you have to act so weak."

Allen turned his head from his mattress to snap back at him.

"Yeah, says the guys that can heal himself" he growled, before adding. "Don't be a damn hypocrite."

Kanda tuned to face him, anger in his eyes.

"Oh yeah, you wanna fight a kid with one foot in the grave. How noble. I wonder...does it fit into your samurai code?" Allen responded.

Something he said seemed to take Kanda back a bit, before he recovered slightly and snapped back at him.

"There is no damn code, Moyashi. Not one I follow anyway." He grumbled, standing up and walking around the bed to the side he shared with Allen. He fixed a couple of things before sitting on his bed.

Allen hadn't moved, still laying face down in his bed, despite the fact that he had turned his head to watch Kanda.

"It's Allen." He said after a pause.

"Yeah, well no one cares!" Kanda snapped, throwing his hands up into the air and glaring at him. But Allen was completely far too tired to feel affected.

"I do. It's my name." He replied airily.

"Oh yeah. Great name. Must feel nice to be named after a dog" Kanda said maliciously.

"Yeah? Well where did your name come from, Yuu?" Allen retorted.

Kanda stood up. He grabbed the briefcase from the floor and flung it at Allen. Allen deflected with a groggy arm, making it bounce back onto his bed. It bounced for a moment, before settling near the edge.

"Don't. Call. Me. Yuu" he growled viciously.

"Don't call me you?" Allen repeated, pretending to be confused.

Kanda hissed turning from him and snatching his clothes from his suitcase with vigor. He turned back to the boy, snarling.

"Shut up, Moyashi." Kanda said, before turning and stalking to the bathroom.

The door slammed loudly, the sound waves it created echoing around the room and making the window panes wobble. Allen chuckled weakly. Kanda was always a good point for stress relief.

He groaned, before hauling himself into a upright position. Rubbing his tingling cursed eye, he looked over at his suitcase, deciding to get changed himself.

His eye always tingled when he was outside of the order. There were Akuma's everywhere in the outside world. He could always pick up some trails left behind in the towns they visited.

He sighed again, pulling out a bunch of clothes lazily, trying to find what he was looking for.

He had to hurry up before Kanda came back. He quickly stripped his coat, pants and shoes. And, with a bit of wiggling and skilful manoeuvring he managed to shove on his long pyjama pants. He sighed, now that the slightly awkward part was over.

In the bathroom, he heard the faucet on. Kanda was brushing his teeth.

Allen decided to quickly undo his dress shirt, fumbling for his night shirt in the pile he had taken out.

He felt the cold of the night seep though the wall and into his skin. He knew he was just imagining it, the walls were perfectly insulated.

But he always felt vulnerable without his shirt.

He knew that Kanda knew what he had beneath his clothing. Kanda had been there the night he'd stabbed himself.

But he had no intention of letting Kanda see it. Or any of him.

Allen quickly found the shirt, shoving it over his head and pulling it over his thin scarred body. He heard the faucet turn on and off again.

Seemed Kanda was done too.

Kanda walked out, still obviously put out. He put away his things, before throwing back the covers on his own bed.

Allen quickly disappeared into the tiny bathroom to sort himself out.

It was a simple room. Shower, basin, toilet. Allen walked inside, shutting the door behind himself. He quickly did his business, sorting out his tooth brush and wetting it, before placing in between his teeth.

He began brushing his teeth. Allen scrubbed his pearly whites, fiddling with his innocence hand as the other brushed. He flexed it this way and that, testing its durability and getting lost in his thoughts.

As Allen finished, spitting out the paste and rising his mouth...he looked up.

And right into the mirror.

His Noah shadow loomed behind him, the creepy grin never seeming to leave his ghastly face.

"I don't have time for you, bastard." He hissed.

He picked up his things and left the small room, now in a horrible mood. He quickly swept past Kanda, whom was sitting in bed and reading something Japanese. Allen couldn't care less at the moment.

He threw back his own covers on his bed, throwing his toiletries bag into the general vicinity of his case. He slipped in between his sheets, pulling the duna up to his chin.

He sighed loudly, feeling ambivalent emotions. He just wanted the day to be over...before he would have to do it all again.

Sighing again, Allen closed his eyes. He turned away from Kanda's burning gaze and faced the wall.

He felt sleep pull at him, tugging him away and into the land where anything was possible. He felt it magnetise him, tearing apart the fragments of his horrible reality as it drew him closer.

It felt it urging him, encouraging him.

He felt a small smile slip onto his lips.

And he let it take him away.

...

So...t'was okay? And do you guys like how Kanda and Allen interact?

Let me know~

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	5. Chapter 5

Hello ha

Hello anyone out there.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM

Also BlackKiryuu, it's here! Your review made me start writing this chappie again with a slightly snarky remark. I bet anyone reading would appreciate that :)

ENJOY!

...

"Oi get up you piece of shit" was the first thing Allen heard.

What a perfectly divine way to wake up.

He opened his eyes lazy to look sideways at the man hovering above him.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? There's been a Noah sighting in the town over. Komui wants us there now."

Ah, the mission.

They had been sent out as recon. Plus, they - like all the other exorcists - where put into the field for positioning.

The Noah were turning up in random places at random times, seemingly with no connection or pattern. Because there was no way to find where they would be next, the exorcists were sent to be ready and waiting for them when and if they came.

...Allen just didn't expect to be put into action already.

He was planning on trying to summon his innocence privately. Just bit by bit so he could get a handle on it and know his limits.

Now he wouldn't have time.

He groaned. Kanda huffed...Neither felt like talking much.

Allen stood, stumbling around the room to grab his clothing. He made his way to the shower, still half asleep. When he made it to the bathroom, he pointedly ignored the mirror. Slowly, he did as he needed, almost mechanically...his mind slowly coming to life.

...it was getting harder to wake up.

He felt like he was eighty. That everything he did put massive strain on his body. That waking up was worse than a nightmare.

He felt like it was getting hard to live. But he would never give up, never stop walking. He would keep walking down his path and straight into his grave if that was what it took.

But that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt.

He knew his death was going to be a slow and painful one. Hell, it could take years of this before his body finally gave up.

Or it could be seconds.

Life was fickle now, so fragile like a delicate flower. And so easily crushed.

But he didn't really know. He could be a daisy, or he could be a cactus. It was logically to hope to be the latter. But sometimes, just sometimes...

He wished he could be the daisy, just so it could all be over soon.

What a way to live.

But, he wasn't really living either.

He was dying.

And then there was his personal shadow demon. And with that he guessed that there would at least be one advantage to his death.

The bastard would die with him.

Neah needed his family lineage to live off. To haunt. To posses. And since Allen didn't plan on children any time soon...or ever he guessed, Neah wouldn't get anyone else to sink his talons into.

The bastard would have no choice but to let Allen's body become his grave.

And that thought made Allen smile a little.

_...

"We are literally chasing shadows." Allen remarked, watching Kanda search in the bare park the Noah sighting had been.

Allen only stood there,matching Kanda intently glare at everything with a constipated look on his face.

Looks like he trying to use his brain, instead of jumping straight to anger.

Allen was silently applauding him within his own mind.

Because Kanda was already uptight enough. It might just set him off.

See, Allen always played with Kanda. Testing him and annoying him, right to the edge. And then he would ease off, finding something else to do.

It amused him.

And he was beginning to understand the way Kanda functioned much better now.

And he knew when not to push him too much. Like now.

"You are literally on my last nerve, Al-Moyashi."

Allen stopped still, turning to gape at the concentrating samurai.

"You almost called me Allen." He whispered, feigning shock.

Kanda tuned to him then, standing in the middle of the rather large park. He frowned at the boy, clearly looking though his short term memory. Clearly, he hadn't been concentrating on the good Ol' convo they had been having.

"So you think of me as Allen in your mind?" Allen asked, but more like stated. A smile on his face.

Kanda didn't reply for a moment, before he growled lowly, the deep sound rumbling right through Allen.

And that was all the warning he got.

"Hello little brother." Was the strange soothing voice from behind him.

With a Portuguese accent.

...Tyki Mikk

Allen gasped audibly, having not sensed the Noah's dark aura as he approached the two innocence _users_.

But, Allen had to point out. If you were to be more correct, Allen innocence once was in fact using _him_, but at the moment, that information was completely irrelevant.

They had a much more pressing matter right in front of them.

"Yes, you are little brother now...because it seems our beloved traitor Neah as found his way inside you"

Allen whipped around, backing away from the eloquently dressed Noah and towards Kanda.

"Oh no, not to worry." The man cooed, looking over Allen in a way he really didn't like. "You, I like to much to kill...yet. It's only a matter of time before Neah takes you over and then I'll kill you both."

"Gladly." Allen remarked, and Tyki looked taken aback.

"What?" He frowned, watching the two exorcists carefully.

And Allen was just about to tell him why he would be so glad for Tyki to kill Neah and himself in the near future, when a hand grabbed him just above his elbow.

"Don't say it" was the hiss right next to his ear. The sound vibrated though him.

Ah yes. He couldn't let the Noah know that innocence was perfectly capable of killing its host, even without being a Fallen one.

Or the fact that the infamous Destroyer of Time may only have weeks to live. Or days, or minutes...or seconds.

And if he activated his innocence here...he was like 86% sure that it wouldn't be pretty.

Not that he was pretty anyway. Should probably add that as a factor into those percentages.

"Oh what do we have here...a little secret? Well, as the Noah of Pleasure...I may know a few little pillow talk secrets. Because people are very willing to spill their deepest secrets during pillow talk. And look at me, haven't told a single soul." The Noah boasted.

Allen decided he hated him almost as much as Neah.

Allen winced when Kanda grip on his arm tightened. Seemed their feeling towards him were neutral.

"Only because petty human gossip is of no interest to you, Noah. Exorcist matters, well. You hate us." Kanda remakes nothing short of pure snark.

"Ah, so you admit there is a secret?" Tyki beamed, before he disappeared. And for a minuscule second...Allen believed he had left them alone.

Before he reappeared right in front of Allen.

He grabbed the boys chin, twisting his head up to stare him in the eyes.

Allen heard Kanda sword unsheathe over his own rapidly breathing heart.

He felt the lure darkness that radiated from the man, staining him where he came into contact with his skin. He felt the pull of his innocence, and tried to activate it without thinking.

Before he forced himself to stop. Yes, he was terrified. But, his life was not in enough danger for the 50/50 chance that he may die trying to active his innocence.

And besides, he had a rather angry ally right next to him.

Kanda lunged at the man, forcing him to let go of Allen to dodge the poisonous weapon.

Allen gasped, like a weight had been lifted from him. Kanda looked at him sidelong as he kept up his defensive stance.

"Are you able to fight?" Kanda asked lowly, watching the Noah as the noah watched them from 5 meters back.

Allen searched within himself. He could feel the strain upon his body already, just from this small but rather non-violent encounter.

And he knew he couldn't do a single thing when it all turned pear-shaped.

Kanda watched him freeze up at the prospect of his vulnerability, before sighing.

"Just stay behind my back, and keep watch. You may need to dodge since he seemed to want this information from just you in particular."

Allen nodded, trying to control his emotions.

Because this was the first time he'd ever been without a weapon within a Noah's presence. Actually, there had been that one time with Tyki in the Forrest...But look how that turned out.

And Allen had a feeling it could end up with him actually dead this time if he wasn't careful. Because, no matter how human Tyki acted...Allen knew he wouldn't be able to control his bloodlust.

And he could very well kill him in his bloodlust just because he was an exorcist...and not because of the extra 'the-dude-inside-me-betrayed-you' bit.

So yeah, he was rather terrified.

Kanda shifted his katana in his hand, and Allen moved behind him with careful steps.

"Innocence, activate!" Kanda yelled, and his blade glowed brightly. The Noah flinched at the celestial light, before growling at him viciously.

And lunged.

Kanda met him halfway. They clashed, Tyki,s dark energy forming a shield against Kanda's strike. He hissed, then shoved Kanda away and leapt again.

Allen hastily backed away as Kanda was shoved back. He virtually cowered behind the older exorcist, as the Noah fought the male with vigour.

And he had never felt more unless.

He complete relied on Kanda's strength, and his ability to protect him. Because, without Kanda...there was nothing to stand between him and the Noah.

No innocence, no nothing. He would like a simple human...trying to fight something that was a hundred times more powerful than he was.

And it seemed the mans noah held a tiny grudge since the last time they had met, and Allen had almost destroyed him.

His human side wanted Allen secrets, and the other wanted to reck havoc upon his body and soul. Plus the fact that the other soul within Allen's body was a traitor.

And if he was alone...He thought those would be good odds.

Good odds of _dying_.

But then again...he was a little ahead in that department.

"Come on little brother, let your little body guard move out the way...I want to play with you." He said creepily, grinning at Allen sickly as he continued to fight Kanda.

And Kanda was doing a fantastic job. The man had dealt him few injuries in the moments Allen was absorbed into his self-loathing. He was strong.

But Allen could see the signs of exhaustion seeping in.

He knew Kanda wouldn't let exhaustion or injuries get in his way, he would just heal himself. But Allen refused to let him do that...and for his own sake no less. Because if Kanda healed himself...he could end up in the same situation as Allen. He could loose another lotus petal.

And he really didn't have many left.

Allen just hoped they could make this end before they both came to desperate measures.

...but fate had never been fair to Allen.

...

Hello everyone reading this...if there is anyone.

I hoped you enjoyed this chappie...next might be up soon.

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	6. Chapter 6

Hello again.

Good old . I missed this place. AO3 is where I've been, writing up Teen Wolf fanfitions.

But yeah, We are exploring a little Dark-Allen in this chappie.o

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.

Good luck.

* * *

Allen was running.

He was stumbling through the streets of London, running for his life. He breathed heavily, darting down another snow covered alleyway and almost tripping on a combination of slate and cobblestones. Sweat dotted his forehead, some falling into his frightened silver eyes, growling slightly in the street lamp as he ran past.

He could still hear Kanda's scream echo through his head.

"_Allen! Run_!". He doubted he'd ever forget it.

He felt completely worthless running away like this. He was an exorcist, for the Lords sake. He was made to fight people like Tyki Mikk. Allen's body was literally poison to him, or arm/heart if you wanted to be precise.

But his poison was kinda killing him right now as well. So he didn't really trust it to do as he asked. Not if he wanted to die where he stood.

He skidded around another corner, chest heaving and booted feet slapping the ground rhythmically as he pushed froward. He tried not to look behind him, noting that the evil presence was not far behind.

He felt exhaustion pull at him, and even the cobblestones and dirty snow beneath his feet looked appealing. But he couldn't give up. He couldn't just collapse here...not after the sacrifice Kanda made.

He knew he made another of Kanda's petals fall.

But Kanda would be okay. The gash is his side will heal. And he will have time to recover, especially without this insane noah hindering him.

Allen just hoped he'd be able to check on Kanda, to apologise. But that would mean he'd have to live through this.

And that was looking more and more unlikely by the minute.

He dashed around another corner, sliding a little on the cobblestones before he launched himself down the thin alleyway.

He was trying to avoid all areas where human life would be abundant at this time of night. Namely the nightlife and shadier parts of London.

But that also meant that nobody would hear him scream. And even if they did, they wouldn't help him. This was London, and cruel times hardened compassionate hearts.

But in a way that also pleased him to some extent. No innocent person would get hurt because of him.

The citizens were too hardened to the likes of him.

And London had always been his favourite city.

His thoughts were ripped for him as his foot caught on a cobblestone. He cried out sharply, falling like a rock into the alley wall.

He caught himself against the brick with slow hands. And while he kept himself from being knocked out...it didn't really stop the eruption of blood from his forehead and palms. He felt the blood cool almost immediately in the freezing weather, congealing against his face in little ice particles.

He hissed at the pain, wanting nothing more than to just collapse against the wall and wait for his fate.

But he couldn't.

He would only die by his own terms. He wouldn't die in a alleyway. He wouldn't die before he could save another Akuma's soul.

He would not die here.

He pulled himself up on shaking feet, gripping the bloodied brick wall for leverage. Hearing insane laughter echo down the streets, he took off again.

He knew the noah could smell his blood easily. Even if he was still a hundred meters away.

And Allen knew he was slowing down, and the noah had stopped chasing him...and instead was playing with him. Allen hated nothing more than being a puppet on a string. He'd had enough of that for a million lifetimes. And so he pushed harder. Pushed himself to go faster.

But his body wasn't exactly co-operative.

He kept stumbling, hearing the Noah grow closer and closer. He growled in frustration. Throwing himself out of another alleyway and onto the empty street. He felt the moon on his back as he ran across the street, jumping into another maze of alleyways.

He sprinted down the alley, wiping the blood and sweat out of his eyes as he ran down and through more and more alleys. Hoping to get lost. Because of he didn't know where he was, the Noah shouldn't.

But the creepy bastard could also smell his blood. So that plan wasn't really going to work.

Blood was essentially a tracking beacon for Tyki.

He ran around another corner, legs aching and arms pumping. He caught himself on the alleyway corner, before flinging himself from the wall and down another dark alleyway. An alleyway which lead to another clear street.

And he almost reached the edge, before his body was flung backwards. Back into the dark, dirty and cold alley, swallowed up by the darkness.

He hit the ground hard, spine bruising on impact and cheek grazing on a particular cobblestone. And it was cold, freezing actually, down here in the snow. He tried to breathe and to clear his reeling mind before suddenly he couldn't.

His eyes snapped open, feeling the clammy and heavy presence sitting on him. Tyki grinned like a Cheshire Cat, leaning down into his personal space as his dark hands gripped Allen's pale neck.

"No more games little brother. I want to play with you." He grinned, squeezing Allen's neck tighter.

Allen choked, gasping for air. He tired to reel in his wandering mind, to focus on the danger above him.

But his mind was also suffering from exhaustion.

He gasped, feeling completely vulnerable.

"_All...vulnerable_" the voice struck him, shocking his mind and body still for a moment.

Before anger flooded him.

He would die before he proved Kanda right. Because he was not weak. He was not vulnerable.

He felt his anger spark his nerves like an electric current, running through him with burning rage. He snarled at Tyki, baring his teeth in a show of instinct. Tyki looked shocked at the change of emotion. And Allen took full advantage of it.

He bucked, sending Tyki's body forward and his head lowered to Allen's reach. Allen brought his head up. He slammed his head into Tyki's, ignoring the wave of dizziness and pain as Tyki's hands loosened from his neck.

Shove _that_ up your arse, Kanda.

He lifted up his hands, shoving the Noah off him with all his energy and power that he had left.

The Noah sprawled against the alleyway wall, possibly unconscious. But Allen didn't stick around to check. He took off, but it was more of a weakened run than a sprint.

He kept running, not faltering as he heard the Noah's scream of rage. And he didn't stop to think of the consequences his action may of had.

Because he didn't want to think about what the enraged and inhuman Noah would do to him.

He just kept running, hoping somebody could save him from himself.

* * *

He gripped a wooden crate, closing his eyes and willing his breathing to stabilise.

And he desperately hoped that bloodied piece of fabric he'd ripped from his shirt and thrown down another alley would be enough.

Because he couldn't run anymore. Not if he wanted to live.

And so he had to resort to hiding.

Yes, it was very derogatory and diminutive. But he had no choice.

He had dived behind some old rotting crates, hoping the scent of decaying plant matter would be enough to hide him. He curled up into a ball, grasping one edge of the crates with a bruised and bloodied innocence hand. He held his forehead with his other hand, trying to staunch the sluggish flow of blood from his wound.

He breathed deeply and quietly, trying to slow his heart beat as his body shivered from a combination of exhaustion, fear and freezing cold.

And he was almost there when he heard the sound of heavy footsteps down the end of the alley. Allen fought the urge to try and run, keeping his breathing even and his heart rare slow.

He couldn't afford for Tyki to find him. He had no energy to protect himself anymore.

And he would be vulnerable...the very thing he hated with his entire soul and body.

He heard the footsteps approach, and he clutched his legs to stop himself from trying to flee. He looked down at the cobblestones and watery snow between its cracks, breathing slow and even as possible.

Before he saw something out the corner of his eye.

He snapped his head to the side, watching material settle beside him...obviously from being thrown next to him.

The bloodied strip of his shirt.

"You really didn't think that that could fool me, did you?" He heard. He closed his eyes, shivering as he heard the underlying anger in Tyki's voice.

He was all on his own. To face a noah when he couldn't even fight, not even as a human. He curled himself tighter, tucking his head into his knees and pressing himself against the cold wall.

He head footsteps right in front of him.

"How pathetic." He heard, and he winced. Because Tyki was right. He was pathetic.

He felt a hand in his hair, yanking up up suddenly and back into the cold and hard wall. His eyes snapped open against his will, staring up at the man that would take his life.

He didn't want this. He didn't want to die here.

But he never got a choice.

"Why won't you fight me, little brother?" Tyki asked, almost fondly. He felt Tyki's breath on his face, but he kept his eyes down..looking at Tyki's polished shoes.

Shoes that would soon be stained by Allen's blood

"Answer me!" He heard, before his head was yanked back, exposing his throat and forcing a him to look up at the noah.

"I can't" he growled, blood on his teeth that he bared at the man.

Tyki's eyes looked thunderous. Dark, swirling storm clouds ready to turn into a tornado.

"Too weak, too tired?" Tyki asked mockingly. "Poor little brother is too exhausted to fight back. You're so helpless now." He said, voice gaining a dark and malicious edge in the last sentence.

"...not..helpless" he growled again, trying to breathe at the unnatural angle his head was held at. "..._Bastard_" he spat, spraying Tyki with a fine sheen of blood.

And he grinned, before he was shoved back into the wall. Tyki held him down as he loomed over him.

"You think that's funny, little brother? Will you still be smiling when I rip your throat out?" He growled, getting down an inch from Allen's face.

"Try me, bitch." Allen gasped, a dark smile gracing his lips.

And then he was thrown. Ripped harshly from the wall and down into the snow and stones. He felt the cold seep into him where part of his shirt was missing. But before he could adapt, he was flipped over onto his back.

He fell back, grin still on his lips as he looked up at his soon-to-be murderer.

Tyki straddled him, one hand holding him down and the other poised as he summoned his tease. The striped butterfly formed on his hand, jaws clicking and screeching lowly.

Tyki grinned insanely, holding his hand over Allen's thin neck. Allen felt the sharp metal of the teases teeth latch into his skin. Ready to bite down and rip his throat out.

"Not so big now, are you little brother?" Tyki asked rhetorically. "So weak and useless. You can't do anything to stop me now. You are at my mercy!" He hissed, rage and his power over Allen claiming his rational mind. "I can do what ever I wish. I can control you, break you! I can erase you from this earth so nobody will remember you!"

Allen only smiled, letting the sarcastic and dark side of his personality overtake him.

"You can never control me, Tyki Mikk. And you can never erase me." He said, staring straight at him. "Unlike you, I have people that will miss me. I have people that _love_ me."

"And even you, Tyki Mikk, in all your powers and abilities...do not have power over love."

Tyki growled in rage. His hand left Allen's chest roughly, reaching to snatch one of his hands. He grabbed it, holding Allen's delicate wrist.

"And yet I can still do this!" He yelled. And then a sickening snap echoed across the dark walls.

Allen clamped his teeth shut, blocking the scream until it only surfaced as a keening whine.

Tyki laughed, body shaking over Allen.

"Yeah, go ahead. Hurt me. Kill me. But you will never erase me. Neah will be erased, but I won't be." He grunted, a shaking smile still haunting his lips.

Tyki hissed again, moving his tease so he could slam his hand down and around Allen's throat. Allen could already fell the skin bruising.

"Go on. Real classic. Go for the throat, bruise it up" he encouraged, voice bordering on mocking.

Tyki snapped at him, the white contrast of his teeth shining with saliva under the moonlight. He removed his hand, before bringing it down across Allen's face.

Allens head snapped to the side, ear drum ringing as it announced his temporary deafness in that ear.

Thanks Tyki.

"How's that for you?" Tyki growled.

Allen only smiled, turning his head to stare up at the Noah unflinchingly.

He felt he tease return to his neck, cold against his sweaty and blood stained skin. He let himself breathe, let his limbs go limp and his heartbeat go quiet.

"Ready to die, Little Brother?" Tyki asked, as though he had a choice.

Allen opened his mouth to answer, before a new voice interrupted him.

"Never"

And suddenly the Noah was gone. The oppressing weight was lifted and he suddenly felt his adenine and fear slip away...leaving only exhaustion.

Arms were around him, lifting him from the cobblestones and cradling him into the warmth of a broad chest. His vision swirled as he tried to cling to reality.

And then there was a face hovering over him, visible eye serious but mouth held in a grin.

"When I said I wasn't going to let you to die, I meant by this guy as well, Little Sprout."

And then he let exhaustion claim him.

* * *

Muhahahah! Allen didn't die...yet. Too much to do before then.

See you hopefully soon, now that my ideas are flowing!

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	7. Chapter 7

Hellooo!

Thank you for all your reviews! They make me write so much harder!

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.

* * *

"You are going to have to tell them soon, Allen." Lavi stated around the tape in his mouth. He held both ends tightly before tearing them apart with a loud rip that echoed through the empty infirmary room.

Allen looked away from him, preferring to look up at the oil lamp that was set in its holder on the wall. He didn't want to talk about this, not now, for many reasons. One of the most prominent being the fact that he was rather exposed to Lavi right now. He just wanted to get his over with so he could leave, not drag it out.

And he knew Lavi was doing it on purpose. Using his own want to leave and his embarrassment against him. Reverse Phycology as some may say.

Lavi wasn't phased by his state of undress either. His Bookman training removing that part of him.

But Allen most certainly was.

But honestly, it wasn't all that bad. He still had night-pants on. But it was just his insecurities and that damned even look that Lavi kept giving him.

Lavi lifted his wrist gently, wrapping the strip around his wrist and patting it down securely. He continued the process, that look never leaving Allen's eyes, even if the boy refused to look at him.

"I want to avoid that circumstance as much as possible, Lavi." He replied after a moment, that even gaze getting to him and underneath his skin.

"Soon, Allen." Lavi stated. And Allen got the memo. Soon. Not soon as it you have to tell them at some stage. It was soon as in 'tell them asap'.

Soon as in he needed to tell them _soon_, because he was going to die soon.

So many soon'_s_.

But he got it. And just because he got it...didn't mean he acknowledged it.

Lavi was wise to sneak him in to the Order. And Allen hadn't let the man fix him until he had told Allen about Kanda.

And Kanda was fine, much to Allen's undisguised relief.

Allen sighed.

"I..I know, okay? I just don't think I'll ever be ready to tell everyone I'm dying because of the stuff they devote their lives to." He stuttered, fear and apprehension digging into him. But if Lavi noticed - which he always did - he didn't say anything about it.

He'd always been one of Allen's favourite's for that exact reason.

Because he saw things, horrible and hurtful things about people. But he didn't tell. He never told anyone. He had more secrets than anyone Allen knew. He was mystery.

But Allen could tell sometimes that all this knowledge was hurtful to Lavi. All the secrets of the world.

Like, hell, he didn't even know Lavi's real name. Or if he had one at all.

Allen just hoped that his death wouldn't be a burden on him. Wouldn't be another tally to add to his constantly updated death toll.

When he died - see, _when_. There was no point lying to himself anymore - he hoped he could minimise the pain on everyone else. Reduce it so he could just go peacefully, without regrets.

Because he was a ticking time bomb. Waiting to go off and destroy everyone around him. He'd like to minimise the casualties, if he could.

That was all he really wanted for this life.

Because everything else seemed too much to ask.

* * *

Allen walked through the halls of the institute, feeling highly nostalgic.

He remember when he'd first arrived here. Gazed up at the sweeping arches and high roofs, admiring the architecture.

He walked now, the sounds of his feet echoing on the polished floor. Only the sound of his footsteps filling up the empty space, echoing off the walls crisply. The late afternoon light highlighted his silhouette through the large windows that extended floor to ceiling.

It was so still, so peaceful. Too peaceful for a place of war. It was too calm, too empty. Because their warriors were dying. Picked off one after the other.

And the earl was _winning_.

Allen hated it. Hated him. Hated all the pain, all the anguish they had to endure. Hated the desperate measures their superiors where forced to reach in order to stay on top of the Earl and his cronies.

All horrible things that had been reached for the sake of his war. A war which had no reason to exist.

It only existed because of one simple thing.

Revenge.

And it was such a simple and yet so devastating complex. So petty. So petty to have caused all this. And there was no point. No point, whatsoever. Nobody needed to die. Nobody needed to have their souls slowly destroyed. Nobody needed to be forever to fit weapons. Nobody should be forced to bare weapons within themselves

Because Allen was a weapon. That was all he was.

He was born to fight. Born to fight in a war that was completely useless. Put on this earth for the simple purpose of fighting this stupid war

He was happy to fight it, don't get him wrong. He would fight this war to the day he died.

The problem was that it was coming soon. The phrase suddenly didn't mean so much to him anymore. Not when the day he died could so easily be tomorrow.

He was a weapon. And he was _defective_.

His weapon was killing him. Destroying him from the inside, more like a disease than a cure for the Earls blight on the world.

A terminal disease.

It would kill him. But he would fight it. Fight it to his dying breath.

Fight him. The bastard. He would kill him. He would destroy him, just like that overbearing prophesy said.

Even if it was the part thing he did for this world...He would at least like to bring back the light.

* * *

"Komui! Komui!" Allen cried, trying to gain the infatuated man's attention from his sister. He shut the large mahogany door behind him.

It had been almost a month since the incident. But they were fine...mostly.

But Allen had a plan.

He walked in the room, scoping out his superior that was flouncing over his desk. He was latched onto Lenalee, crying comical tears as she tried to tear herself from his overly affectionate grip.

"Komui!" He yelled again, but Komui paid bare minimum attention to him.

And then Lenalee seemed to reach her braking point. Allen watched as she conjured her infamous clipboard of terror, and home run hit Komui across the head.

And then suddenly, Kanda was there. But Allen barely flinched at his presence. He was familiar with Kanda approaching virtually from the shadows.

"Serves you right, Baka." He said lowly, crossing his arms as he stood next to the door he had apparently walked through. Not that Allen saw him.

Maybe he could call him the "Shadow Lord" or the 'Emperor Ninja." next time they talked. Get to see how much it pissed him off.

Anything to appease the darkly humoured side of his soul

But it seemed Komui was now available for safe human interaction. The flick of Lenalee's hair as she slipped into the Laboratory with a clinical smirk on her face.

"Allen, what is it you would like to see me about?" Komui said, rebounding easily from the blow his sister had taken upon him. Despite the throbbing bump on his temple.

Allen walked closer to Komui's desk, Kanda trailing behind in a weird state of calm.

"The Noah can be weakened through their own power." Allen started as he made himself comfortable on the couch, and he immediately felt the mood in the room sharpen immediately at the mention of their enemies. "Tyki didn't want to kill me, but his rage overtook him and his noah wanted to kill me." He continued, watching Komui's brain begin to process and understand, all silliness gone.

But he still felt Kanda flinch behind him. They still hadn't had the conversation about that night yet. He could almost feel the burning gaze on his heavily bandaged wrist.

A very long conversation no doubt.

"If we anger them enough, they lose rational thought and can be easily taken advantage of." Allen said, going through his memories of that night. Night he was sure was not going to leave his memories any time soon.

Komui was silent for a long time, clearly adapting and debating this new information. He tilted his head, chin resting on his palm. He reached up with his other hand, pushing his glasses up on his nose so they glistened in the light.

"So you are basically saying you want me to piss off a bunch of soulless superhuman's?" He said, voice serious.

Allen shrugged. "Ah...yes?"

Komui looked speculative, before he lent down and the glare disappeared from his glasses, staring at Allen clearly.

And slowly, the corners of his mouth pulled up into a a gleefully sadistic grin.

"I'm so in."

* * *

That last bit was so fun to write! I love this story so much.

Later losers! Have a fantastic Easter with lots of love and Chocolate. And Jesus if your like moi!

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	8. Chapter 8

So in case you all were wondering why this suddenly appeared... I'M ON AUTMUN HOLIDAYS! WOHOOOO! I have legit just been writing and posting all day. This was written only just now. I can't hold things off from your guys. Once I write it, it's yours.

Updates will probably be more frequent for all my stories, well, most.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.

* * *

"So I guess this is our talk then?" Allen asked, but rhetorically seeing as he was never going to get an answer.

And he didn't.

Kanda just walked in his room, pushing open the slightly adjacent door as he walked through. And then he shut it behind him.

Allen had left it adjacent when he'd walked in. But Kanda had stopped ignoring his questions and firm looks, and was finally facing him. He walked closer to Allen, were he rested of his bed. Still fully clothed...but so desperately tired.

Tyki had sapped him of all his spare strength. Everything he had left. Now he only had enough to function through the day.

And even then, all he wanted to do was sleep.

But he couldn't let himself sleep the days away. Because if he did, his body would keep him in a completely unconscious or half awake state, never having enough energy to fully wake up again. It took more energy to wake up than it was to live 'low-key'. And that would be okay for now. He would live this way until he was replenished somehow.

If that ever happened.

"Why did he do this to you?" Kanda said, interrupting his slipping ludicrous consciousness and bringing him back.

Allen just stared at him blankly for a moment, before looking were his gaze was focused. His wrist. Allen cradled it to his chest instinctively, holding it lightly in his other hand in front of him. He sighed.

"I fought back, couldn't fight down the human instinct well enough." Allen said, before he fell back into his pillows. He curled up, arms still pressed against his chest.

And Kanda didn't move from the centre of the room.

"Do you know what you want to do?" Kanda asked, shifting his weight on his feet.

But Allen was thinking about the scene in Komui's office not too long ago. He knew he should have thrown "oh, yeah. I'm also dying" in there somewhere. Komui needed to be the first one he told in his 'soon' list. He would know where to go and what to do for Allen.

And he dreaded it with his entire being.

"No." He finally answered. He wasn't one for leaving things up to Komui to figure out. But his death wasn't really something he could manage all that well. No matter what he tried.

"You need to know, Moyashi. It's coming" Kanda said, moving to lean against the door. Allen knew he was purposely keeping Allen here, now. Because what was more obvious than that?

Leaning against the only door in the room? Smooth, Kanda.

"No shit, Sherlock." He voiced, staring up at his ceiling. He was done with everything right now. He as tired, he was aching and he wanted to be done with whatever this was.

But Kanda wasn't going to leave until he got what he wanted.

It was silence between them for a moment. Allen knew he wasn't going to be able to keep up enough of a front of Kanda decided to go at him fully. He would be letting Kanda in to himself, leaving him scope out the vulnerable side of him.

He was too tired to keep up a conversation, let alone a fight where he would have to pull something out of nowhere in order to throw Kanda off. He wasn't in any form to be dealing with this. But, it seemed that Kanda was completely aware of that fact.

So he was going to be staying here until Allen gave him something that would please him. Until he caved.

But if Allen was anything, he was stubborn. And even in this pitiful state, he was a ball of complete sass. Therefore, his plan at the moment was to just annoy Kanda with his sass and sarcasm until he got fed up.

Because it was beginning to look like competition of who was the most stubborn.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what you have planned, idiot." Kanda said, voicing his obvious intentions. Allen didn't let it slide.

"Oh really? It was not obvious at all." He said, rolling his eyes at the ceiling. He didn't even have enough energy to look at Kanda right now. "I didn't even notice, it was so smooth."

"Like you could do better"

"I know I could to better. The thing it's I've never actually tried to lock somebody in a room. I'll use your attempt as a terrible example if I ever try."

"Shut up, Moyashi"

"Great comeback, how many times have you used it now? Seven times? It's _so_ original, I'm hurt." Allen said, holding his hands to heart.

"Like you are any better, sprout.

"Oh, how you wound me, my Ninja Emperor-slash-Samurai." He said, rolling his head to look at Kanda next to him against he door.

"Where the hell did the ninja come from? How the hell am I a ninja?" Kanda blanched, that blessed anger finally making a appearance. The anger Allen needed to kindle if he was going to get Kanda to leave him alone.

"I don't know? You're the ninja. Only ninjas will know." He continued, holding back the grin that was starting to form on his lips as he watched the anger build within Kanda.

"I'm not a ninja." Kanda said shortly, knuckles whitening with his grip the doorframe. And Allen could barely hold back his grin.

"It's okay if you don't want me to know. I understand that the ancient Yakuza code has earn't your silence."

"The Yakuza in the Japanese mafia! Not wherever the hell ninjas come from! And I am in _neither_!" Kanda's burning glare focused on him, and Allen schooled his expression to one of disinterest.

"That's a really shame. You could have showed me some for your super-ninja moves, since they are supposed to have that sort of skill." Allen said, pouting slightly from where he laid on the bed.

"I still have enough skill to be able to shove my katana down your throat." Kanda said darkly, his own snark making an appearance.

Allen couldn't help the tug at the corner of his lips.

"You could always shove something else down my throat." Allen said, shrugging as though he was disappointed. Kanda's head snapped over to him, eyes wide and mouth gaping. Forming the words as he tried to process them.

And Allen absolutely lost it.

He was laughing so hard it hurt, rolling over onto his side as throaty laughter burst from his chest. He laughed for what felt like forever, his tiredness taking a backseat to it. He felt his laughter recede into giggles after some time. He looked up at Kanda again, seeing his reaction. But, Kanda face hadn't changed.

And so he lost it again.

He rolled over to face the painting on his wall, cradling his broken wrist to his chest as his body seized and shuddered because of his laugher. His laugher echoed off the walls, surrounding them the sound of his joy.

It was a long time since laughter had filled these walls. Or anything close to it.

But his laughed had begun to fade again when Kanda leant over him, one knee on the bed and one hand braced against the wall. He stared into Allen's eyes, his own eyes squinted.

"You're a dick." He stated, and Allen erupted into giggles again. "But this is not over, Moyashi. Mark my words!" And then he was gone, and the the door slammed behind him.

Laughter followed him down the empty hallway, and he couldn't deny the small relief that blossomed inside him with the sound.

A small smiled pulled at his lips as he walked away, laughter still echoing in his head long after it was gone.

* * *

Allen gets saucy! Lmao. And in case you were wondering **This is not a Yullen or Arekan (or whatever it's called) Story! I do not write that! Or any yaoi-like thing.** It's just Allen being a little bum. No romance. But I have a feeling that they will be getting close..

Because I love it when things are bittersweet.

Let me know if you like Allen being a little bum, or if you want Kanda to be more of a willy. Let me know~

I love you all.

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	9. Chapter 9

G'day

Sorry guys. Not much more cutesy and fun stuff in this chap. It's starts getting a bit darker. We get to see inside Allens head. Glad to know you all like little sass-ball Allen :3

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.

* * *

Kanda didn't know that that day would be the last time Allen laughed.

Properly, with real and genuine humour. Simply because he was happy. He didn't know that that time would be the last. Because that sound was so wonderful. So beautiful. It could chase away any darkness, any sickness or any pain in this terrible world.

It was just a shame that it couldn't take away any of his.

Because it was a constant downwards spiral for him now. There was no going back, no getting better. He was just walking to his death.

But, for him. That was okay. He was fine with it. He was fine, as long as he could keep walking. Keep walking his path. Keep fighting.

Kanda would love to see somebody try and make him stop.

But something would make him stop. And that would be death. Death would make him stop walking...stop living. And Allen couldn't fight that away, couldn't fend it off.

But he could sure fight anyone else that tried. Tyki would try again. There was no doubt. But Allen was nothing if not stubborn. He was the most infuriatingly stubborn person Kanda had the displeasure of meeting.

And Kanda felt like he had taken away one of Allen's layers. Taken away the faux kindness and smiles, revealing the boy that was as stubborn as a brick and sassy to the bone. He just hoped that he would be able to peel way his layers, exposing who Allen Walker really was under the walls and fronts he built to protect himself.

But not because Kanda cared, of course. It was just to prove that Allen was, in fact, vulnerable. But even that excuse now was chipping at the edges.

Because he was becoming absorbed by the boy. Absorbed by his light. His interest had left him constantly within the presence of the boy. He was getting too close, too friendly.

He couldn't make friends with the boy that was going to die. That was only setting himself up for hurt, for pain.

And he wasn't as self sacrificing as Allen. He would not do that to himself.

Not consciously, anyway.

* * *

Allen watched the sun rise over the horizon.

He couldn't sleep. Surprising, really. He was so exhausted all the time and sleep was like a dream of his. All he wanted was to be unaware for a couples hours, just floating in a soft and quiet abyss.

And yet he couldn't sleep.

He would lie in bed and fall unconscious, very much the same as sleep.

But only a demon could call nightmares, sleep.

So he had left his room, left the sparse and dark place. He ventured into the dark halls, only the beginnings of the sun to illuminate his surroundings. He walked aimlessly, barefoot and thinly clothed. His nightshirt swamped him, and the elastic of his sweatpants was slipping off his hips. Originally he thought the elastic was getting old, but he quickly realised the real problem.

He was getting thin. Too thin.

His innocence was starting to sap the natural energy and body mass he had. Eat away at his much needed body fat, especially at this time of year. He was always cold.

Not even the comforting soups and hot pots could make a dent in the ever aching cold he felt, residing deep in his bones.

He was lucky he didn't have a mirror in his room, he would have absolutely hated it. Because now, not only did he have his own personal horror, he had this stick of a body to be the second thing looking back at him.

His appearance was simply ghastly now.

He knew because the last time he looked was last week. Since then he'd learned not to look. But he'd seen. And even then it was bad.

He knew it had only gotten worse.

It was easy to hide the damage before. Just wearing more and more layers. And nobody had looked twice, seeing as it was freezing outside. He wore so much, and yet he wasn't any warmer. But now, he knew, it was only going to get harder to hide. He was always very slender, but now he was only skinny. He had barely any meat left on his thighs and arms.

He knew he wasn't even going to be _able_ to run next time Tyki came at him. His legs would crumple beneath him.

And now his cheeks where beginning to sink ever so slightly. A light curve to his cheeks, bringing forward his cheek bones. It was alright, for now. But soon it was going to be very obvious to anybody that saw him.

It had been almost a month since he and Komui had talked about their plan. He had asked Allen to move aside so he could expose this to their superiors without Allen being questioned.

Komui went to great extent to keep his exorcists away from _them_. And Allen couldn't be anything but grateful. Every time he saw them it felt like bugs where crawling under his skin, the weight of their stares tearing apart everything he had to protect himself, exposing him. And he hated it, because it made him feel _vulnerable_.

Allen pushed it to the back of his mind, curling up on the plushy window seat. He pulled his knees under his chin, wrapping his arms around them tightly, as though they could warm him up at all.

He watched the sun as it rose over the ocean, lighting up the sky with a fierce orange as it emerged from the horizon. The dark and rolling sea lightened at its touch, reflecting the brilliance bestowed upon it.

It was beautiful in its simplicity.

There wasn't much left in the world for Allen to wonder about. To stare at and simply be happy to be graced by its presence. There wasn't much of anything that Allen could be surprise be about.

It was in his profession to always have the knowledge of the world. He wasn't like the others that lived in this earth. He knew the earth wasn't flat and that you wouldn't fall off it where it met the horizon. He had enough basic knowledge about the world that the things many grew excited over was just generic things to him.

Like, the technology they had was above their age. What they had developed would take another hundred years for the rest of the world to figure out.

They were almost above the rest of the world. A separate entity.

And the High Generals liked it that way. They didn't care much about humans, they used to, by the way. It was just another thing that had been lost to them in their war. Everything else, even the people they fought to protect, had been lost to their hate and revenge.

Because their side was no better in that department, no better than the Noah's they fought. It was the horrible truth.

And history told that wars were never really won through revenge and hate. But that was all the High Generals functioned off now. Everything else had fallen away.

And Allen knew, soon they would all fall too.

He knew that everyone else was going down with them. Every single soul on this earth. Every beating heart. Every single human being would fall.

And it would be the High Generals fault. It wouldn't be the Earls fault.

It pained Allen to admit it. It pained him to know that there was no light and dark in this war, like he'd always chose to believe. It was just some black and a whole lot of dark grey.

It was all very dark, all very twisted. Yes, war called for extreme measures. But...you could only go so far until you became the _exact_ same evil you fought against. Became one and the same.

And they were very _very_ close.

Allen hated it. Hated the darkness. Hated the thing that had clung to him his whole life, hiding him in its shadow. The thing that lingered in his mirror. The thing that resided in their High Generals hearts. The thing that the Earl had become the personification of.

He hated it all.

Yes, he still hated the earl. Hated him with a fiery passion. But he want naive enough to think about black and white anymore. To think about the good and the bad.

Because everyone had evil within their hearts. Allen knew he did. Everyone had a little thing inside them, whispering sickly sweet words that sounded _so damn nice_.

It was the reason there was murder and slander in this world. It was the reason there were pirates and robbers. It was that tiny voice that some people had listened to. Let it grow louder and louder until they couldn't hear themselves think.

Allen's was considerably worse. Because his 'little thing' wasn't so little. It was a another whole being inside him. One that was born from darkness.

So he had more than a little evil in his soul. In his body. Because this evil was seeping into him. It's overbearing pure darkness was warring with his own will. His will that seemed so fragile against it.

But he'd hung on. Kept himself sane.

But then you had the other part of him. The one that dressed in white but did something equally as dark.

His innocence.

Yes. It was good. Was great, actually. It did so much for so many people...but even that had a cost. Nothing on this earth was good simply because it could be.

There was always a cost.

So it was nice. Nice to wake up from the nightmares and watch something so natural and free. Watching the sun rise over the ocean like it had so many other times before. Even when body was watching. Because it was something that belonged on this earth. That was made for this earth. Because, neither the noah or the innocence was made for this earth. They didn't belong here.

He didn't belong here.

But, it wasn't surprising to him. He'd already go that memo, seeing as he was dying.

He didn't belong in the first place. He never belonged here, never did. Kids always teased him. His parents abandoned him long ago. Hell, the person that adopted him was only using him for Neah, his noah (but he could never _truly_ admit it to himself).

But, he couldn't just curl into a ball and cry about it. It wasn't in his nature. He would walk his path. Not Mana's. Not Neah's. Not the High Generals. Nobody's but his own.

He would walk. He would do as _he_ wanted. He would fight the battles because _he_ believed it was for the good. Not anyone else. He was done letting people decide his life. Letting people play with him like a puppet on a string.

If he was going to die, he was going to die on _his_ _own_ terms.

And _nobody_ could tell him otherwise.

* * *

Yay! A little bit longer than this usual shortness. Oh well.

Thankyou for all your reviews and love, especially you **Will of the Abyss**. I felt so happy after reading your review :D

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	10. Chapter 10

Yasss people. I'm currently on a roll and am writing the next chapter right now, even tho I just finished this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.

Enjoy!

* * *

Ghosts clung to Allen.

They clung to him like shadows. Weighing him down and trailing behind him like a prison ball. Normally you wouldn't be able to see them. Normally he hid them and their effects so well.

But not anymore.

It was very evident that something was wrong. To anyone that looked at him close enough. Kanda knew it without even looking at him.

He could just feel the death that clung to him. That was a dark stain in his once lively aura, growing and growing...consuming the soft yellow light.

His ghosts hung on. Latched around his ankles and his wrists. Locking him in and holding him down. Their ghoulish hands clawed at him, suffocated him...drowned him. Drowned him in their utter darkness. They weighed him down so all he could go was down.

Down, down, down.

Rolling and thrashing and writhing as he was dragged into a echoing abyss. The last of his aura and life wrenched from his throat as he drowned, swallowed up completely by the dark.

That was the only path for him. The only way he was going to walk. He wasn't going to get to walk into his grave...we wasn't even given that luxury.

He was going to be dragged down a path of needles and thorns. Scratching him and cutting into him, tearing him apart. He would be dragged, screaming and crying, into a dark hole where he would be ripped from life. Forcibly.

There was no 'keep walking until he dies'. He wouldn't get to keep walking his path. He wouldn't be able to walk.

Just like now...he couldn't walk.

It took him by surprise, even though it should have. He was in his room, heart shuddering from a nightmare in the middle of the night. His innocence arm started throbbing violently. It hurt. He clutched it, held it with his broken hand.

He writhed, rolling from his clammy sheets onto the freezing concrete. He thrashed, mouth wide open but no sound emerging. Veins popping in his throat but with no sound to explain them. He couldn't cry out, couldn't cry for somebody, _anybody_ to help him.

And then he blanked out. Silence and peace suddenly finding him in the only moment he didn't want it. But then, just as he was just adjusting to its tranquillity...he was wretched from it. And back into his cold and painful reality.

By Kanda, standing over him in the infirmary. Three other faces hovering over him. And it turned out that he didn't need to tell anybody anything anymore. He hadn't needed to worry about when and how he was going to tell the people he loved that he was going to die.

Because it was all done for him the moment his body collapsed.

Everyone knew. Even the new trainee finder girl that Allen had met last week, all smiles and giggles and 'I'm looking forward to working with you in the near future!'

She knew. Everyone knew in the Order that the Destroyer of Time was going to die, because of his innocence...even the High Generals.

And now Allen could only await their reaction, curled up in a wheelchair and trying not to cry. He sat, staring at his poster. The poster that had always reminded him. Always been his motivation.

Been his connection to Mana.

"I'm sorry, Mana." He whispered, tears falling down his forlorn face. Because he couldn't walk. He couldn't walk to his grave. Couldn't lay himself to rest, at peace with what had been done to him. He couldn't decide, not anymore. He didn't have control of _anything_. Not his life, or his death.

He was simply waiting to die, hiding away from the damn pitying looks. The damn looks that shoved his vulnerability in his face. The looks that rung true, no matter how much he tried to ignore them. Ignore the feeling inside him that told him that they _knew_. They knew with perfect clarity just how fragile and vulnerable he was. Just how helpless he was.

He had no control over that, either. No control over what people thought...because it was all true.

Kanda was readying to leave with Komui's new plan. The new plan that could help them win this devastatingly hateful war. The knew plan that he was supposed to lead, head held high and strength radiating from him. Confidence in his friends and himself.

But he guessed that was only ever going to be a fairytale. He was never going to be able to make a dent in this war. He was never going to lead this army of light against the darkness.

It was all just childlike naivety, believing in things that were never there. Because it was never there. Never going to happen.

He was going to die an invalid. His loved ones in front of him, sobbing over their loss before he was even dead.

He was never going to die in battle. Neve going to die a faithful solider, fighting for what _he_ believed to be right. He was never going to die for the Akuma's fragile souls, crying out for him.

He was going to die, in this wheelchair, in this horrible Order that was slowly destroying the Earl along with the rest of the world. Just another solider that died from "complications". Because they would never admit that they had pushed him too hard. Would never admit that anything they did to him was their fault.

Surrounded by loving friends but made so undeniably alone by his consuming guilt.

"Moyashi?" Reached his ears only a second before the door creaked open. He felt Kanda's eyes on him, but he didn't turn to look. Only looking at the poster that was supposed to represent his path to a better future...but now only reminded him of what he had lost.

The 'Moyashi?' was the same as always. But, Kanda sounded almost...careful. His voice was soft, placating. Like he was worried that Allen was going to explode into a puddle of tears at the sound of his voice.

He was talking down to Allen by doing it. And usually Allen would have exploded in anger at the implication of him being weak or vulnerable.

But he didn't...because it was true.

Kanda could stride across the room now and rip him from his wheelchair. He could pick him up by his throat, could throw him into the wall and slash his throat...and he would be able to do anything. He couldn't fight, and now he couldn't escape either.

He was completely and utterly vulnerable.

He walked closer to Allen, standing in front of him and cutting off his view of the poster that was destroying him slowly inside. Destroying and tearing at the only happiness he had left.

"They want you to set up gates for everyone to use" Kanda started, coat pooling around him as he knelt in front of Allen. "They want to suck you dry of your use to them before you die." Kanda said, looking into his eyes with his own saddened ones.

They hadn't talked since he woke up to Kanda leaning over him. Allen thought he may have left already to destroy the noah, but apparently there was something in his shut off heart that made him feel pity.

And Allen felt a inkling of hate trickle into his heart like the strongest poison, for that small part of Kanda.

But he just nodded minutely, let Kanda pick him out his his chair and carry him, much in the way he imagined he would have when Kanda found him unconscious on his bedroom floor.

He let his tiny frame he cracked in his warm and protective arms, despite the fact that he couldn't fell their warmth. He felt his own exorcist coat be put over him like a blanket, cocooning him like a small child.

He'd gotten so _small_.

He just stared into the distance blankly as he was carried, ignoring in the few people they passed in the the early morning hallway. He listened to Kanda's heartbeat, and tried not to let the last of his dignity die with those pitying looks.

They walked down to the boats, where Kanda set him on the wooden seat. Kanda grabbed the oar, which Allen didn't find surprising, seeing as Kanda was never one to let the finder do anything for him.

Huh, finders. There wasn't one here, but for that Allen was glad. He couldn't handle anymore of those saddened laid down bonelessly on the little bench, hearing the water swirl past the wood of their canoe as they sliced through the water.

It was strangely peaceful, despite what he was about to do. His noah side wouldn't kill him if he used it... But it would make it harder to fight Neah off afterwards.

He just hoped his will would be enough to hold him, since he had no strength left.

"It's just too easy" Kanda said suddenly, rowing out the shadows of the Order and into the morning light.

Allen looked up at Kanda, pondering the interest he'd developed for small talk. Well, he guessed death could shake anyone...even Kanda. Shake him from his normally stoic exterior to comfort Allen and remove him from his spiralling thoughts.

But it didn't make Allen feel better. Not by far. He only felt worse. Because Allen didn't want his death to effect others. He didn't _ever_ want people to watch him die. He wanted to die quickly, in battle. With nobody to know until he was already gone.

But now he could feel people mourning him before he was even gone.

"Really, I expected better." Kanda said, still rowing strong.

"Better of what, dearest samurai?" Allen tried for humour, even though he still wasn't even close to feeling up for unleashing his sass.

"Oh, the Order. Everyone." Kanda said, flippantly but with no bitterness, not like Allen would expect. He knew Kanda hated the order. And he also knew he wasn't afraid to hide it. Even when they were alone.

"Why?" He asked, a dock coming up close as they rowed closer. Reaching land to walk, possibly. Or to a train. Which was usually the next choice.

"Because you'd think they would protect their most powerful a bit better than that." He said. Allen looked up, shocked. Kanda dropped the oar, staring at him.

Kanda's eyes flashed back at him...and Allen knew.

This wasn't Kanda.

It was Lulubell.

He should have known that a Kanda would never be soft or sweet with him, not even in his most pitiful moments. Kanda, despite his appearances, could never be so mean.

Allen felt guilty for even believing it for a second.

"Can't believe I'm doing this for Tyki. But I guessed it would be in Lord Earls best interest too." She said, as she shifted from. Shedding the familiar and safe form of Kanda as a second skin.

Allen felt fear skyrocket inside him.

"Sorry...but it's bye bye for now~" she said. Lifting up a clenched fist over his frozen and weak body.

It came down across his temple, and he knew no more.

* * *

Cliffhanger! Whoops.

love you all, see you soon~

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	11. Chapter 11

Yo, whassup

Teehee, another chapter. Sassy Allen is going to be making a comeback.

Disclaimer: I dont own DGM

* * *

"_Sprout?" Allen flinched at the sudden sound. But he'd hadn't heard Lavi approach. It was relatively noisy in the mess hall, so he guessed it was a given._

_Plus, he'd been so absorbed in his task that he hadn't really noticed anyone around him. Lavi included._

_He turned, snapping out of his muse as he regarded Lavi. Lavi watched him, concern evident on his face from where he sat next to Allen. Huh. He must of been more disconnected then he thought. He hadn't even felt Lavi sit next to him._

_But even that realisation couldn't shake the annoyance that surfaced at that look on Lavi's face. The concern. _

_He knew Lavi was more than just concerned about his diverted attention. He was linking it to Allen's impending demise. He was taking at as one of the many symptoms. But it wasn't, damnit. Not everything he did was be used he was dying._

_Wasn't he allowed to be a bit distracted without everyone assuming it was because he was going to die?_

_"What do you want, Lavi?" He asked, voice monotone. Lavi seemed to pick up that he'd somehow pissed Allen off, but he didn't comment. Only looking at Allen knowingly._

_Did he have any other expressions apart from concern and knowing when_ _it came to Allen? Did everything else just disappear the moment Lavi found out that he was gonna die? _

_"I was sent here to get you to meet up with Komui...but I think you need to keep eating." He said, eyes darting down his frame for a second. But a second was long enough for Lavi to see what he needed._

_Allen huffed, looking down at the plates of food he had been going at for thirty minutes. He'd only finished four, but today he hadn't ordered much. He had stopped ordering so much, it was too much effort to eat his usual amount._

_But that only aided him in his apparent goal of getting thinner. Gee thanks, innocence._

"_No" he said, sighing. "I'm done here." He stood up, gathered his dishes and walked to Jerry before Lavi could retort. He slid over the empty and full dishes, and Jerry only looked at him. He smiled a little. Allen smiled back, and walked off. _

_Jerry knew that something was wrong, how couldn't he know? But he didn't press, and Allen took comfort in it. Jerry would be the one he told straight after Komui, he thought._

_That man has always been a good friend. Allen hoped that he wouldn't be too sad to see Allen go._

_But even he knew that was delusional. _

_Lavi trailed behind him on their way to Komui's office. Allen felt his eyes on his back, burning though him and trying to comprehend him._

_He brushed it off. He couldn't deal with Lavi's big brain and inquisitive eyes today_.

_They walked through the unpopulated halls to reach the office of paper towers. He huffed as Lavi continued to watch him carefully, like he could collapse any second. He sighed, rolling his eyes as he pushed open the door, opening the door that would put him one step further down his path._

_That would lead him that little bit closer to his goal_.

He'd been so close. So close to getting into that party...to getting closer to his goal of bringing back the light. Before it was ripped from him.

And he was taken away. Taken to a place where darkness reigned and light was a old fable. Taken to a place where light didn't exist. Where it never would reach him.

Where he would never bring it.

Because he wasn't ever going to be able to bring back the light. He was never going to save anyone from this never ending darkness.

Not when he couldn't even save himself.

* * *

"Little Brother~" was the voice in the darkness, summoning him from the peace and quiet of the empty space.

He opened his eyes unwillingly, knowing exactly his predicament. He winced, wanting to cry out but managing to stop it in his throat. He ached everywhere. Waking up was hard enough...let alone waking up from a forced unconsciousness. His temple caned, throbbing with every beat of his frantic heart.

"Oh, don't be scared little brother. I will take good care of you." Tyki said, standing over him. Allen blinked.

He was chained to the wall. Large chains were shackled to his hands and his ankles, pooling around him before the ends were deeply cemented into the stone.

He laid amongst them, hardly finding the strength to lift himself up.

"That's what I'm afraid of." He snarled, looking up at Tyki whose evil presence seemed to loom over him.

"Well, then your fear is misplaced. You do not need to fear my care...but rather my wrath." Tyki replied, like it was a casual dinner conversation, rather than that he was talking to a boy that he had in chains at his feet.

"I would advise you not to anger me, little brother. You bear the wounds from the last time you did." He said, nudging Allen's tender and bandaged wrist with his foot.

Allen yanked the limb away, subconsciously removing it from the danger this man - not man, _monster_ \- posed.

But he did have one thing over this monster. His short temper.

Allen just hoped he could be saved before Tyki's wrath killed him. But that wouldn't be hard to do...seeing how _vulnerable_ he was. And half dead.

"Ooh, there's a little fire left. I was wondering what had happened to you." Tyki started. Allen hissed though his teeth. "Now. Tell me what's wrong with you, little brother. I want to know why you look so weak and pitiful." Tyki said, crouching down next to him so Allen could see his face.

His golden eyes shined at Allen, the only light from the prisons barred window illuminating his eyes. He looked like a bird of prey, sharp eyes eating to find something he could swoop in and take advantage of.

Allen had to be careful not to give him that much.

...maybe his sass techniques could work on Tyki as much as they did on Kanda. But, they took a lot to keep up with. He didn't know if he he enough strength or energy left for that.

But it was his only defence left...he couldn't just give up. He had nothing left to fight with, but he sure as hell could do this. He may be weak, but he wouldn't let Tyki know he was. Couldn't let atypical think he couldn't control him. He was already a puppet for the High Generals.

He sure as hell wouldn't be for Tyki.

He'd beaten the Noah at cards before using trickery. He knew he could beat him again. He had too, for the sake of the last of his dignity.

"Oh, just the usual, Mr Mikk. The exorcist life is always quite tiring."

"Na-huh." Tyki harrumphed, shaking his head in a shocking mundane fashion. "There's something more too this, Little Brother. You look like you may be dying."

Allen schooled his expression to keep it blank. He couldn't let Tyki read him. Other exorcists had perished to him simply because they were too readable. He couldn't be another one. There couldn't be another one.

Not on his watch.

"Well you would know, wouldn't you? You stink of Death." He said, knowing how vain this Noah could be.

"I do not stink of Death, Little brother. But if I did, it would make sense that you do to...since we are family now."

Allen couldn't stop the rise of anger at the term 'family'. He had none. Tyki would never be apart of his family. He could never be anything like Mana, even if Mana may have only been using him. He couldn't deny Mana's love.

But Tyki didn't have the capacity to love. He couldn't fight against love. He couldn't love, not with his cold and bloodstained heart.

"We will _never_ be family, Tyki." Allen hissed, glaring at Tyki fiercely with his Silver eyes, the opposite of Tyki's cold golden ones.

"But we are. We always have been. I wouldn't have tried to kill you that night in China if I had known your blood was mine. You're my little brother. Mine. You belong to me know, The Earl gave you to me. He thinks I will be efficient in killing the 14th inside of you." Tyki ranted.

Allen stayed silent, not giving Tyki the reaction he wanted.

"Give him to me" Tyki commanded when he didn't reply, grabbing Allen's chin like he had before, his touch poisoning Allen. Allen yanked himself back with his entire body weight, but Tyki held him firm. His hold was tight on his chin, bruising Allen's pale skin.

"I can't do that." Allen replied, jaw aching from the tight grip.

"Yes you can, Little Brother. You just have to let go." It seemed Tyki was using mind games against him too. But he couldn't react, couldn't think about hat letting go would entail. Because the. He'd be letting Tyki into his head. And his head was his only properly functioning part of him now. He couldn't let Tyki poison that.

He couldn't let Tyki in. Not if he was anything like the person he once was.

Not if he hadn't fallen so far.

He may be sinking into the darkness, but he still had his air. He still had enough will to live. Was still powerful enough to make it through this.

Because that was all he had left.

* * *

That's all for now, my amigos. I loved every review you guys gave me! Thankyou!

**Also, ****I would like to know how you want Allen to die. Give me some ideas :3**

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	12. Chapter 12

Yello~

It's getting sad now guys. But I think I'm gonna let Allen have his last stand.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.

* * *

"Give him to me!" Tyki screamed, eyes flashing in rage. This was good. This would benefit Allen. This was only going to help him get closer to his goal.

...but that didn't mean he wasn't _terrified._

The Noah had him pressed up against the wall, holding his throat. The thick chains weighed probably more than he did, which he was grateful for even though it hurt. Because it made up for the fact that he'd lost almost half his body weight in the last few months.

It just aided him keep his secret. But it still hurt, digging into the bones of his wrists and ankles and bruising his pale skin. But it didn't hurt as much as the hands around his throat did. 'Cause yeah...that shit hurt.

But he couldn't focus on the pain. He had to focus on what he needed to do. To focus on staying alive and getting the hell out of here. He had to stay calm, level headed. He had to not react, at least not the in way Tyki wanted. He had to keep ahead of Tyki, make sure he didn't get inside his head.

But most of all, he had to stay alive.

"I've already told you, I can't." He spat though his gritted teeth, feeling his bruises throb. The Earl clearly didn't have any qualms about Tyki hurting him rather than Neah. But then again, he shouldn't have expected the Earl to distinguish between Neah and himself. Tyki sure didn't.

He didn't mean anything to them rather than the fact that he was a vessel. They had all shed their human bodies to become monsters. All they wanted was for Allen to do the same.

And then kill Neah.

Allen was pretty sure they knew that Allen's body would become Neah's grave, should Allen die. But it seemed they were too proud to let Neah hide while they ripped out Allen's heart and stole his soul.

Or maybe Tyki just wanted to watch Neah die. There could be that too.

"Let go, boy! Just. Let. Go!" Tyki hissed, illustrating every syllable. But Allen just shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut to not show Tyki the fear within them.

Tyki growled, lifting Allen off the wall and shoving him back again. Hard. Allen's eyes snapped open as his head spun from the impact. Thoughts muddling and floating around his head uselessly.

No.

He needed to keep it together. Needed to hold off Tyki long enough until somebody found him.

_Anybody_ would do...because he didn't know how much longer he was going to last.

* * *

He felt himself hit the ground. Or at least he thought it was. He didn't really know anymore. Could be the wall. Could be the floor. He couldn't tell anymore.

His brain was supposed to be able to at least distinguish between wall and floor. He was supposed to be a Exorcist, superior in all ways. He was supposed to see things normal people couldn't.

But now he couldn't even tell which way was up.

He laid (or stood?) limply against the mysterious surface, trying to regain some form of consciousness as his brain jumped between reality and something completely different.

He didn't even know which was which. But he was pretty sure, if his memory served him correctly, that his mirror had two presences in it. Not one.

And he was pretty sure his reflection didn't have ink-black skin and golden eyes. Because his reflection was him...wasn't it? He knew he was thin, he _felt_ thin, felt sick. And so did his reflection. He looked ill, shirtless just like him with baggy pants hiding his other half. Chest exposed with his ribs trying to poke though his pale (dark?) skin, and his hipbones sharp enough to cut though his own skin.

So it was him, wasn't it? He certainly felt the same. Felt ill, felt tired. Felt like he was dying inside.

He looked up at his -_his_, yes?- golden eyes, staring at himself. He had his scar that went so deep it scarred his memory, even now. In this place that might not even be reality.

He held up a hand, as did his reflection. He could see the tendons moving beneath his skin in his reflection, doing their best to meet his minds wishes.

His hand didn't quite touch his reflection in the place he wanted, but he left a little leeway. He couldn't expect everything to work in the right way at the right time, could he?

That was a little bit too much to ask...or was it?

Allen dropped his hand from where his reflection met it, moving to tighten the thick cloth belt of his cotton pants. It was slipping, so he was tightening it. He gripped it, missing a couple times before grabbing hold. He pulled and pulled until he realised it didn't move any further.

It was as tight as it could go. It wasn't the pants fault it was slipping off. It was his. They couldn't go tight enough around his hips. Allen sighed, letting the cloth tie fall from his hands. He felt the fabric slip back down his hips as he looked up at his golden eyes.

He watched them for a second, letting his thoughts wonder.

This was the reality, right? It was calm and tranquil. Everything was still. Allen looked around the room, finding the edges and corners of it disappearing into a swirling abyss.

But that was how it was meant to be.

He looked back at the large mirror, standing free as the only object on this room/space. It couldn't. Really be a room if it had no walls, right? But...weren't rooms supposed to have walls? Supposed to support the ceiling? He frowned for a minute, running though his memories. He came up with nothing, just blank emptiness...until something sparked. A poster, hanging on a wall. A wall of a room.

A room.

He watched his eyes flash another colour in the mirror. Silver. Yes. That was right. He had silver eyes. The silver eyes were his. But this was his reflection...wasn't it?

Was this him?

He watched, confused, as his reflections placid face twisted into a snarl. He jumped back, heart rate soaring suddenly. This wasn't right. This wasn't reality. There was so much wrong here. So much that wasn't right.

He had to get out.

He leapt back, legs frail and eyes glowing bright silver. He turned and ran straight into the swirling darkness.

And it consumed him as easily as falling asleep.

* * *

He screamed, eyes snapping back to what was above him. The ceiling. It was a ceiling. He was on the floor. He was on his back. And he was looking up at the ceiling.

He was okay.

He sighed, stress escaping from him and heart settling. He was okay. It was just a nightmare..?

He frowned. Was it? He was here, in this room where his body ached like he hadn't moved in hours. But somehow, just a second ago he was somewhere else.

He coughed lightly, feeling something clogging up the back of his throat uncomfortably. He coughed until it was gone, body shaking with the effort. He felt whatever was in his throat drag down his chin. He tired to reach up to see what it was, only finding he couldn't. His hands were restricted somehow. But he could smell. Smell the iron and the tanginess. Blood.

And then everything came back to him.

Tyki. Chains. Cell. _Cold_.

He struggled suddenly, trying to shuffle himself backwards onto something that was concrete. Something that was a stable object in this spinning reality.

He was here. This was his reality. This was his time, this was his place. This was were he was in this time and this awful place.

This was were he was in the chronological world.

He was in a dungeon, where his only companion was a terrifying noah. Tyki...Tyki? Where was Tyki? But then the monster was in front of him like he had been summoned by Allen's thoughts.

"Oh look who it is, little brother. I hope you're feeling okay. Had to bash you around a bit until you went unconscious so you would let The 14th through". Tyki sighed like it had been entirely too onerous for him. Allen wanted to bare his teeth at Tyki, but he didn't have even enough energy for that. Because he knew Tyki had enjoyed every second.

Because, while he didn't want to necessarily hurt Allen, he couldn't care care less if it meant he could get closer to Neah.

And Allen wanted to hit himself over and over for it. Because he's tried so hard to keep Tyki from talking his way into his head, he'd let Tyki bash Neah out of him. He'd tried so hard to fight it, but Tyki had found another way.

And Allen was in no position to stop him.

It felt disgusting. Made him feel sick that Tyki could do whatever he liked. Allen had no control here, none. His tactics would no longer work because Tyki had found a way around them. He didn't have much at all before, all he had was his will to survive...

But now that wasn't enough.

Wasn't enough to save him. Wasn't enough to get him out of here. Wasn't enough of a defense against Tyki. He was a fool for thinking it could have been. So many others had fallen to him with much more left to them than Allen did. He was a fool for thinking he was special, that he could succeed were others failed.

Because, now...All he was, was a weak little boy with no strength left in his muscles or bones. With no way to fight, not even with his will.

Everything had been stripped from him. Over and over, again and again. And just when he'd thought he lost everything...it came to take just that little bit more. Just absorb the last of a defence he had left..And now he didn't even have enough strength to get angry about it.

All he could do was lay here, and hope Kanda came for him...Because otherwise, he was going to die here.

And he'd thought it horrible enough to die in that wheelchair, thought it to be so pitiful. And honestly, he'd doubted himself in how far he could fall. Because, he knew just as solidly as this thick wall behind him...that where he lay was rock bottom. At the bottom of his spiralling abyss. Sunk to the bottom of his endless darkness.

Now he was just waiting to die, in the most devestating sort of way. Because he'd been waiting to die for a long time...he just didn't know it.

But he still hoped Kanda could come get him. He would still die either way...but he'd rather die with the people he cared for. Encompassed by their love. Because it would be nice to die in a place where Tyki could never get him. Where darkness couldn't hurt him.

Because he already had enough darkness inside him. He didn't need to die within its horrible depths, clawing his face and breaking him to pieces.

And he knew, no matter what Tyki or the Earl or _anybody_ did...Time and love would reign over all.

Because even Darkness was not stronger than chronology and love.

* * *

Chronological making a comeback :3

All good? Drop a line if you feel inclined~

Loving all the Reviews so far, iPad I'm thinking of using one of them :P **but more ideas would be great.**

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	13. Chapter 13

Wassup.

I've mostly decided on ending now. This chapter gives hints at Allens end. :(

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM

Enjoy my pretties.

* * *

Kanda was _angry_.

He'd never known anger like this. Never felt this boiling blood running through his veins, burning through him and igniting his soul. Never felt so much hatred that his mind couldn't be deterred by anything else.

Because Kanda Yuu was angry.

He didn't look any different to the people around him. Just his usual bored and cold - _not_ cold, according to the brat?- self. He didn't look like anything had changed inside him.

It didn't look like he'd flipped the switch inside himself.

But he felt it running through him, and he imagined to to be like spurts of fire running through his body through his veins. Lighting up his blood, visible through his skin. Burning so bright it could blind with his red-hot _hatred_.

Because he wasn't the type to be absorbed into red hot fury. It wasn't like the little spits he had with Moyashi. This was serious and harsh _rage_. The ting was, he didn't lash out when his anger was so extreme. But, instead...he _simmered_ in it.

And he knew from experience that that was so much more _dangerous_.

He couldn't wait to get his hands around Tyki's throat. Couldn't wait to get up close and personal as he watched him die, Mugen discarded to the side in favour of feeling the death claim Tyki.

People always said when you killed with your own hands it effected you much more. That you could _feel_ the exact moment they died. Could feel their life slip through your fingers. Watch the life fade from them and feel their heartbeat stop beneath your own palms.

...Kanda _couldn't wait_.

Because the bastard would pay. Not only did he take Allen from right beneath them. He used Allen's trust for Kanda as his leverage. He'd used Allen's trust, used it and abused it. Took advantage of it, made the pure bond so tainted.

And Kanda _hated_ him for it.

Because that bond was his. Yes, Allen was an annoying little shit. But they had a bond, a bond that was between _only_ them. If wasn't for anyone else. Wasn't to be seen or touched. Kanda was possessive of the thing he had. And it was _his_.

It was a sore spot. It was his, but it was also a weakness. He knew weaknesses when he saw them, but he couldn't make himself let go. And he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he abandoned Allen to the darkness when he was dying just the same.

And it hurt too. Hurt that Allen had fallen so far. Fallen so _fast_.

Because Kanda was supposed to go first. It was only fair. Only chronological. He'd been dying first, so he should be the first the die. Should be dying quicker than a boy that had only _just_ been exposed to the prospect of his death.

And when Kanda found out, he'd been pretty darn okay with it. He was going to die, so what did it matter if Allen was a bit like him? What did it matter if he was dying too? Because Kanda knew death, had known it for so long. It hadn't seemed so severe.

But now it hurt. Because Allen was going to die before him.

And he was going to have to _see_ it.

Nobody else could really pinpoint Allen's illness, but Kanda knew. He knew Allen was going to die soon, as in very soon. Kanda didn't want to see it. He'd already seen Allen fall so far.

He didn't want to watch more than anything. But, he guessed he owed it to Allen. He'd been his slightly abrasive companion since the beginning. It was only fair to be with him to watch him go. To be there to bring his body home.

Except he knew Allen wasn't simply going to fade away. Wasn't going to float off into the stars. No. His death was going to be painful, slow and horrific. He knew that much.

He just didn't know how _soul-destroying_ it was going to be. Because it was.

It really, _really_ was.

* * *

Allen cried.

It had been a long time since he cried. But Tyki had broken him. Had broken his shell so now everything seemed so horrible. Seemed so real and so bad. And it probably was, even without his sudden lack of a barrier or self control.

But he cried. He sobbed because it _hurt_. Because everything hurt. His mind, his body, and his soul. His skin felt so tight around him. Too tight with two souls fighting for dominance. But it also felt too loose. Loose like he didn't belong in it.

Everything was on both sides of the spectrum. He was so many things at once that it hurt. He wasn't made for this. Humans, exorcists...nobody was made for this. It shouldn't be forced upon the human body and soul.

Because Allen had never felt more human. Not even before, not even when Tyki was grinning at him from over Kanda's shoulder. He'd felt so useless then.

Double that by a hundred, add in fear and the near approaching death as well as the noah and innocence competing inside him...and you got Allen.

He was so stretched but he'd never felt smaller. So aware but never more tired. So pumped full with adrenaline but with nowhere to run.

Everything was on either side of the extreme. On both sides of one scale. And everything was out of whack. Everything was so different from what he'd known. What his life had been built upon. Where his foundations of life had lain.

But he guessed it only made since that it felt like his world was ending.

Because it was. It was for him. He was dying. Faster than Usain Bolt, but as slow as a snail. Everything all at once. But at least he knew with some solidarity that he was not coming to life. He knew he was dying. That was the only soild thing in this downwards spiral of a life. But he wasn't spirlallig down anymore. It was at rock bottom.

But rock bottom wasn't as firm as you would think. It wasn't firm. Unbreakable, yes. But it wasn't _firm_. It was more like falling into the middle of a spiders web at the bottom of a pit. And as soon as you land you _know_ your not getting out of this. You struggle, yes. Because you hoped that your not there, that you're not at the end.

But you are.

You are stuck and so undeniably finished. But the web shook occasionally, giving pure and _beautiful_ hope to something once lost. But it's only the spider moving closer. Only death closing in.

Coming to claim you at the very bottom.

People would say that 'there's nowhere but up!' When you talk about rock bottom. But when you look up at the long and deep abyss you just fell through. There is no hope of escaping.

And Allen knew he's not escaping. And that was terrifying in itself. But he also had a struggle inside him as well. It wasn't just him and the spider. It was him and the spider, as well as the battle inside. Both sides still didn't affect the fact that the spider was still coming for him. That death was still going to reach him. But he felt like, upon that web, his body was trying to split in two.

And of both of the sides battling inside him, neither was himself. He was simply on the sidelines, looking down at himself as his body was torn in two. Watching as the grotesque gorge split open in the middle of his chest, running down his body. Opening like a ridge in a earthquake.

And he only watched. Because there was nothing he could do. Tyki had broken him. He couldn't choose a side. He didn't have enough will to fight, enough strength. Didn't have _anything_ to fight with.

But it was the Innocence verse Neah. They'd lived in co-existence before because he'd been their buffer. He'd been between them, keeping them apart with sheer willpower. But now he was gone. The will he'd had set from between them was reduced to nothing.

And now there was a war inside.

Because he may have two souls inside his body. But he had three forces contained within him. And that wasn't even counting his consciousness and his divided will to fight for both humans and Akuma.

He was royally screwed. And not in the good way.

His body, soul and mind was being torn apart from the inside and he had a death spider on the edge of its web, closing in. He was being ripped from side to side, one extreme to the other so quickly that he felt both at once. Both sides having control over something that was made to have _neither_.

But, at least he knew, no matter what happened...Soon enough he was going to be obvious to it all. Because he would be gone...He just hoped his many regrets didn't follow him into the After.

Because, then there would be no escape

* * *

Good? Not good?

I'm really sad that this story is ending. I think I just might have to write a epilogue. After the initial death, of course. **But keep the ideas flowin :)**

_Love_ all the love you have given me~

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	14. Chapter 14

Hope y'all packed and ready for a feel trip. I don't think it's too sad, but that might just be my good mood I'm in.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM

Enjoy :3

* * *

Kanda yelled in rage, kicking his wall and crying out at the surge of pain in his ankle. But he didn't care.

It would heal like it always did.

The High General's refused to do anything. Refused to pay attention to their pleas. Komui had called him with the news, saying that Allen had been taken just as he left. Just as he boarded his train.

Kanda had jumped from that train and ran back to the headquarters, only to find nothing there. No sign, no nothing.

And then he heard Allen had been kidnapped using his body. Using the trust Allen had in him and _twisting_.

And that's when he got _angry_.

He couldn't stand it. He stood up from the wall he leant against. He glanced over at his lotus. 3 petals. That was enough.

He grabbed his katana from where he threw it, snatching it up and tearing out into the hallways. He was just short of running as he walked towards his goal of the boats.

And he was almost there, when a body got in his path.

"Let me come with you, Kanda" Lavi said, voice low so the others in the hall wouldn't hear them. It was treason to go against he orders of the High General's. And Kanda was committing it by leaving after being order to stay and get on the train in the morning to complete his duty.

Screw duty.

"I can't." He said. And not only because he didn't want Lavi there. This was his path. His _own_ path.

His to walk. His _alone_.

And Lavi seemed to understand, but with the damned knowing look that was always present. "Tell him that I'm sorry."

Kanda nodded, and then brushed past him. That knowing look following his back.

It was time to walk. Walk his path like Allen always said he would.

* * *

Allen had always said that he would keep walking. And Kanda had either scoffed or ignored him. Because sure, off you go then. Walk your stupid path.

He never knew how hard it really was until now. How hard it was to keep walking when you knew your path only led into darkness, when it was flanked with death and dying...When it would only deliver you pain, like thorns beneath your feet digging into you with every step.

Because it was hard. So damned _hard_. Harder than anything humanity should face. Because nobody should have to walk this path. Should have to walk towards what may only be the remains of somebody they knew.

Because Kanda was not foolish enough to believe that Allen would (or will? He's attempting optimism here) ever leave this place. That he would come out of this alive.

But he kept moving. Kept walking on. Through the maze of damp and dark hallways. Because he had to find Allen.

...or what was left of him.

Nobody was there.

Nobody was _there_. The entire fricken Noah mansion was empty. Empty like they had been expecting him.

Damn it.

Because that could mean only two things. That they were waiting for him with Allen...Or Allen was dead, and they wanted him to find the body.

Kanda cursed as he tore through the dark and deathly hallways, knowing in his blood that Allen was still in here somewhere. Still laying somewhere.

Alone. Dead or dying.

But he couldn't accept that. Not when they'd only just begun to get close. Just when he'd found somebody like him.

Not Allen. Not now.

Not here.

* * *

But, when Kanda walked into the cell...death was tangible in the air. He could _taste_ it on his tongue. Bitter and cold, poisoning the air and sickening him to his core.

A chill ran down his spine, a purely natural warning that this was not a place for the living. His body saying that only death dwelled here. Screaming at him to _get out_.

But Kanda refused to believe it.

He opened his eyes carefully, scanning the room with guarded eyes. Because he had to, but as sure as hell didn't want to.

But he did.

And he felt his heart drop out of his chest, smashing to the floor in millions of pieces, his sanity along with it.

Because there was a tiny bundle in the corner of the room, barely clothed and so fragile. And he was so still, so _quiet_...His body didn't move. His chest didn't rise or fall.

...He was dead.

He knew it. He knew it, damn it. He knew that this was the most probable possibility seeing as the Noah had abandoned this place. What information would they need from a corpse?

Because he was looking at a corpse. At a tiny little corpse, curled up in the position he died in. It was a corpse. _Allen's corpse._

He tasted blood in his mouth, only just realising he'd bitten his tongue. He hissed in pain, looking away from the corpse.

And he felt everything at once.

"Damnit!" He screamed, turning and slamming a fist into the concrete wall. Tears flooded his eyes suddenly, and he blinked them free. He leant against the wall on his arms, his fist throbbing.

But he didn't give a shit. Didn't give a shit about anything anymore.

Shouldn't have from the start.

He should have just blocked his ears to the screams that night. Should have rolled over in bed, pillow wrapped around his ears. Should have ignored the way Allen ate away at his food like he hated every moment. Should have ignored the feeling that came from him, the feeling of companionship that came from the same thing. Came from death.

Because it was always going to lead to this. Always.

Allen was always going to die. Alone. In this basement, sucked into the darkness in which he'd perished. Kanda could only hope that it had been quick.

...but Kanda hated liars. And he hated himself too.

Because Tyki would have drawn it out. Gave him superficial wounds that hurt like hell. Abused his fragile frame. Broken his bones...He probably raped him too, the bastard.

But Kanda couldn't think about that. He couldn't build the picture of all the ways Tyki hurt him, broke him...killed him.

Because the image in front of him was enough to break his heart.

His heart that he'd been so sure to guard against everyone. And he tried not to let Allen in. Tried not to let him make his way into Kanda's heart. But he did like a snake, circling and squeezing it until Kanda's heart almost burst...then biting into it, and poisoning it.

Like the final nail in the coffin, sealing his fate.

Because it was poisoning him. With affection. With emotions and feelings that he should never have. That he'd tied to make sure he'd never have. But Allen got in. He'd gotten in. Filled Kanda's heart with light and friendship. And now Kanda would live with his absence for the rest of his life. Live with that absence in his heart.

...And he could only feel so terribly empty.

Because he knew this would happen. He knew it. Allen knew it. The High Generals knew it.

Everyone knew it. But still, in some part of himself...he'd hoped Allen could be saved. Some part of himself that had been convinced that something so good and so pure could not die. Could never die.

He never knew it had existed until now. And boy did it make its presence known.

Ripping him apart while leaving him empty. He was hollow. All the love and affection that had filled him was now gone. Ripped from him.

And he was so empty.

Just like the hollow shell of the boy in front of him. Because this was all remained of that painfully bright and annoying boy. Just a broken doll, strings all snapped and body discarded.

Because he'd been left here to die. This was were his life left him. Where the light and _good_ was ripped from him.

And now it was ripped away from Kanda too. And he'd hadn't that much light left in the first place. It had all really come from Allen.

So it made sense it would die with him too.

He was torn from his thoughts by the sound of a scratch emitting from across the room, bouncing off the walls around him.

Kanda looked up, searching, but pointedly keeping his gaze from the body.

Then it sounded again, echoing creepily. Kanda wanted to lash out at the stupid sound, stupid sound in this horrible place. This horrible place with the body of his only friend.

But then it sounded again, like metal on concrete. And Kanda pin-pointed the sound to be coming from the place he was avoiding.

It was coming from the wall behind Allen's corpse.

Kanda didn't want to approach the body, but he knew it would have to sometime. And he just wanted the sound to go away and let him grieve in silence.

But he did.

He didn't look at the remains, but he walked closer, eyes on the dingy wall behind Allen's body. There was about a metre between the wall and the cold corpse, so he carefully walked around it and pressed himself as close to the wall as possible, just so he could avoid the way the proximity to the body left him so cold...so sick.

Because he could feel the death on the body. Feel it in the way he'd feel it under Tyki's skin when he killed him. Because he would kill Tyki. He would. Tyki was not going to come out of this unscathed.

Not after everything he'd done to Allen.

He placed his hands on the cold wall with new found resolve, but the new emotion didn't lay waste to his grief. But he didn't expect it to. It was going to take a whole lot more than that, for him to start to heal. Because he wasn't even sure if he could.

But he could do this. He could find a way, for his sake.

For Allen's sake.

Because if there was one thing he knew about Allen (apart from being that's stupidly likeable _idiot_)...it was that he'd want Kanda to keep going. Keep moving forward on his own path.

But he'd never done well with last words.

The scratch sounded again. And Kanda frowned. He frowned not because it was a creepy ass sound...but because it was now coming from behind him.

He whirled, hand in his katana as he expected an enemy. But nothing. Absolutely nothing apart from the body at his feet.

The body...the body?

He bit his lip as he prepares to look down at the damage Allen had no doubt received. He was in view of Allen's front now, where he could imagine there would be the worst injuries possible.

A ripped open chest with a broken ribcage, once protected organs open to the air. Kidney, Lungs...heart. Glistening and still under the dim light. Slowly dying tissue, starting to decompose. All open to his eyes.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, preparing himself in every way he could, to look at the body. And slowly, achingly...he opened them.

Nothing.

There was no life threatening injury on his body. Bruising and cuts yes...but nothing that could have taken his life. And the scratch filled the air, and Kanda zeroed in to Allen's bloodied fingers.

...They were moving.

Kanda fell to his knees at the body side, gently rolling him from this fatal position, the warmth beneath his palms and on Allen's skin sparking the fire of hope in his heart.

Allen's eyes were open. Open and staring...staring at him.

Kanda felt a large smile take over his face as his face lit up in various degrees of complete and utter relief.

And God it felt so _good_.

Because Kanda had got Allen. After all these lonely hours...he had Allen again. Safe and in his arms rather than the bastard Noah's. Because they left Allen behind..

But why?

Kanda sat back slightly, really looking at Allen.

And then Allen's eyes flickered. Kanda stared at his eyes, racking through his brains and trying to decipher if he had seen what he thought he did.

But then they flickered again...and his question was all too easily answered.

...He was gone. The noah inside him had taken him further away than Tyki could have ever done. He was an empty shell.

His body was still alive...but his mind was gone.

Kanda swallowed back a desperate cry of rage. Because this wasn't fair, _damn it._ They couldn't just play with his heart like that. He couldn't deal with this roller-coaster of emotions. He couldn't just build himself up so achingly, only to be cut down in one fell swoop.

He put his head down on Allen's chest, mourning him all over again. Because he couldn't be left like this. Kanda couldn't let Allen be held in this state, barely here. There was no hope if his mind was gone.

And Allen had said he'd wanted the noah to die with him.

...but Kanda was the only one that could grant him that wish. And he couldn't do that. He couldn't murder Allen. Couldn't kill this small child who'd only moments ago he'd thought he could save.

He wasn't man enough to grant Allen that one wish.

"K...K-" Was the sweet and yet so sour scratch of Allen's voice, reverberating through Kanda. He sat up immediately, looking into the boys eyes.

"K...k. The boy tried again, but couldn't move past the first syllable of his name.

"I'm here Allen, I'm here." He said, voice quiet and lonely. It was so uplifting to hear Allen's voice. The sweet sound through the scratchiness that Kanda knew had come from screaming. But, it was also horribly bittersweet.

Because Allen was too far gone. His voice only meant that he was still suffering inside. Kanda idly wonder how long he had been laying here waiting to die.

Not able to do anything but wait...wait and hope that death came for him soon.

"L-lo...k." Allen stuggled. Look. He was saying...He was saying _look_.

Because a Kanda hadn't looked him in the eyes yet. Hadn't actually seen him when Allen had been more conscious.

Because when he'd looked at him before, he'd looked at him like he was already dead.

And Allen wanted him too look. Because Kanda hadn't even looked him in the eye like a decent human being. Hadn't given him that simple basic etiquette he deserved.

Treated him like he wasn't alive enough to be considered human. Acting like there was nothing left but a body to mourn.

But Allen was still in there...somewhere. And he deserved respect, damnit. It was Kanda grief that hurt so much...but it was Allen that had to die. Allen. was. dying. Not Kanda.

Trust Kanda to manage to be a absolute _dick_ in all situations.

His eyes snapped up to look at Allen's immediately. But, even then he couldn't prepare himself for what he saw. He knew it was there obviously. But the awareness in the eyes made it so much worse.

Because Allen was there...but he was not.

Gold.

Allen's flickered between Gold and Silver rapidly and without warning, forming a blur of the two colours.

It was beautiful...but it was sickening.

Because the Noah was apart of Allen. He got in. But Allen was still there. Still inside, trapped within himself. Not being able to die nor come back into life.

And he was so wounded. Blood ran down from his eyes like tears, staying in his checks and face red. Kanda had always thought that Allen's scar was a harsh contrast against his pale skin.

But blood looked even worse.

And then Allen smiled. He smiled.

"It's okay." He said clearly but still sickly, bloodied teeth in the artificial light. That stupid insane grin on his lips. And it wasn't alright. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

But it was.

"I can't, Allen." He said. Because he couldn't do it. Not to Allen. Not after all this time trying to save him...trying to keep him safe.

He couldn't. _He couldn't_.

"Yes, you can." Allen said, eyes silver and gold and neither. It was all too much. Too fast. Allen's death had come to soon and yet it hadn't been fast enough.

Kanda wished it could be miles either in the future, or years ago. God, let them have what they want, give them this companionship that they had only just forged. Or don't give it to them in the first place. Don't plant that seed in a garden you wont let grow. Don't plant a seed you were not going to let grow until it was ready to harvest.

Don't take away life just as it was getting good.

He wished this death was something he wouldn't have to think about for years. Or something that was already behind him. He just didn't want to experience it now.

But then again, maybe never.

"You know you can. It will be quick, I promise." Allen said, currently in that in-between. Between the Noah and the Innocence. Between life and death.

It was a place he was never going to get out of...unless he got a little _push_.

And Kanda wished he could push him towards life. Back into the world. But he couldn't. Because he was only capable of giving damage. Of taking and destroying. It was how he was made.

It was how he'd been made. How he'd been forged.

"Right here, Kanda." Allen said, lifting a heavy, shaking hand and placing it over chest. "Right here."

Kanda shook his head like the child he technically was. He bit his lip, the angst taking hold.

"Straight through." Allen kept going, like if he stopped he would loose himself. And he probably would. "You've done it before. You can do it again"

Yes. He'd done it before. Noah, Akuma...anything that his superiors deemed unworthy of life. They claimed to be doing God's work. And, that would be all well and good if they hadn't lost their humanity. Hadn't lost the very thing they were fighting for.

Because you couldn't save something if you had forgotten its worth.

But Allen shouldn't be on the sharp end of his katana. He shouldn't receive the death that only demons deserved.

Even if there was a demon in his soul. The very demon he was going to exorcise like the good solider he was.

But, if he thought like that he would be no better than his superiors. Because then he would be forgetting the human that was still left inside. The other part that his demon was taking hold of. Forgetting the fact that before the demon was Allen, and Allen was still here.

Allen was here, dying so slowly.

"...for me?" Allen asked, and Kanda heard the tightness in his voice through the scratching, the tightness of somebody fighting for control. He was fighting so hard, fighting against the demon and against time. And Kanda was doing nothing to help.

Because he would do this. Do it for Allen, and nobody else. Because that was what he deserved in the least. A little peace.

A nice ending. So he could say he died as himself. As Allen Walker.

Walking his path until he no longer could. _His_ path.

Kanda let a dry sob escape him as he raised the suddenly heavy katana from the ground. Allen smiled as he caught his movement. Kanda lifted Allen carefully, until his lower body was laying over his lap. He let Allen rest against his left shoulder, laying against him sideways. Allen's bloodied hair brushed his cheek and Kanda could feel Allen's smile on his neck.

"It's okay. It's all okay." Allen whispered in his ear, warm air and the brush of lips sending shivers down Kanda's spine.

He brought the katana in his hand, worn and scratched from the many battles. He pulled his elbow back, straightening the katana to point at Allen's chest.

"Time to go." Allen said, and Kanda felt tears in his eyes. His eyes flickered closed, tears running down his face. He reached up to hold Allen's head with his free hand, cradling it to his neck. Allen sighed happily at the small comfort, and it broke Kanda a little more.

Kanda braced himself, tilting his head to lightly kiss the top of Allen's head. He shook as he rested the point of his katana on the skin of Allen's chest. Eyes closed as he readied himself.

"I'm sorry" only two words that he could think to say. But, they were two words that held so much weight. Sorry for the way I treated you. Sorry that you got sick. Sorry that you didn't get the time you deserved.

...Sorry that you have to die.

Allen smiled against his neck, his blood escaping his slips and onto Kanda's skin. "Thankyou, Kanda." Then Kanda thrusted his sword forward. One straight and practised _stab_.

And then he was truly dead inside.

* * *

Damnit.

He'd _really_ thought it would be Tyki's life. Thought it would be so rewarding, so satisfying.

But it wasn't Tyki's. It really wasn't.

He could feel every beat of his heart, every breath of air through his lungs. Even the peaceful smile on his lips did nothing to help mend Kanda's breaking soul.

It was so much more horrifically descriptive than he'd ever hoped for with Tyki. What he'd hoped for...but now dreaded with all his being. Because he'd been excited for this.

He didn't know how he could have been so damn twisted. Because this was nothing he imagined it to be. Nothing he thought it could have ever been.

But it was.

A complete 360°, turned back onto him. But after it turned on him...it was shoved down his throat.

And it hurt to think every horrible thing he'd wanted to do to Tyki was now happening to Allen. He'd thought how good it would feel with Tyki's blood running down his hands, the cold black liquid flowing down his wrists with the consistency of tar.

But now it only poisoned him, leaving an crimson red trail as it ran down his skin...staining him to his core.

Because this was not supposed to happen, damn it. Not to Allen, not right now.

Not ever. Because Allen was supposed to die simply. There was supposed to be no blood..it was supposed to be as kept inside. It would have been hard to watch even then, but now it was so much worse.

Because blood had never looked so bright against that pale complexion. He was supposed to die without any involvement from Kanda. Not peacefully, but simply.

But not like this...never like this.

The imagery he'd formed in his head with the golden eyed demon had overjoyed him and motivated him...but now it was replaced with the pale and fair Allen, and he'd never felt more gutted.

Because he was gutted in every sense but physically...but he might as well have been.

It felt like all his hopes had built up inside him, solidifying with his intent. But, then those blocks that had been his hope, turned into grief. Turned black as his mind registered the pain. And, once they'd turned so dark...they had been ripped from him. Ripped from his body and leaving a gaping hole in their wake.

Hope had been so smooth and so welcomed into his body...but pain had been ripped from inside him. Leaving only blood and destruction and grief behind, the scraps he'd had left to pick over from something that had been so great. So exciting and rewarding...to this.

And Allen was not even dead yet.

"I'm sorry." Allens said, bloody and spluttering. But Kanda couldn't reply, he couldn't _speak_.

Because he was dead inside.

* * *

And then Allen was too.

* * *

They acted like Allen death was a great surprise. A great tragedy. That he had been taken from them so suddenly, so tragically.

But they knew this was going to happen. They _knew_.

And they hadn't lifted a finger to come help them save him. To help rescue him. They called him useless then left him to die at the hands of the Noah. Or Kanda, but they didn't know that.

But this was the excuse they needed. The excuse they pretended to mourn over, when really all it was was to unite their forces after they had seen what their 'weapon of light' had done to Allen. And use it as a excuse to make everyone fight again.

They mourned and spoke of all his greatness, grand gestures to describe him and his achievements.

When really all he was was a excuse for a war. And everyone agreed, forming a attack plan on the dark forces that had taken a small and innocent to child from them...nobody bringing up the fact that they had been the ones to leave him there.

But Kanda noticed. And he cared, _damn it._

Somebody had to pay. Somebody had to be responsible. He carried his weight. He carried Allen's blood on his hands.

_Hands that never felt clean_.

He'd made his choice for Allen. But he never should have had to. Allen should never have to be granted a merciful death. Never should have been in that position.

So somebody would have to pay.

And Kanda knew exactly _who_ would.

* * *

That's all for now. Please let me know what you thought, and how you want Kanda to get his revenge since I'm doing a epilogue.

P.S Kanda gets revenge. Terrible and bloody revenge. And Allen gets his funeral.

God Bless,

SephrinaRose


	15. Chapter 15

Hello again.

It's been awhile, hasn't it? I've been frolicking around AO3 with my Teen Wolf works.

Good to be home.

It's been two years since I stared writing on this sight...Time flies.

Disclaimer: I don't own DGM

Enjoy~

* * *

Finally, _finally_...he would get to deliver the death Tyki had earned. That he'd wanted to deliver on that night when it had turned on Allen

"Come to join the party, Mr Kanda?" Tyki said as Kanda shoved down the door, katana raised.

"Less of a party and more of your funeral, Noah." He spat, Tyki's head turning from where he watched the moon outside the large window.

"Now now, Mr Kanda. Surely we can be civil enough to use names? I'm not quite fond of that term. I'd prefer Mr Mikk if you would be so kind. Respect for your elders and all that." He said, gesticulating his words with a poised flick of the hand.

"Well, I'll have you know I don't give a shit about you or the fact that you are technically my _elder_. I don't exactly fit anywhere in time, Noah. So you could say that has a large input to my not caring." He said, almost snarling his words.

"Oh, and why are you so superior to time, Mr Kanda? And I do insist that you stop with the name calling."

"I'm not superior, Noah. Just because I don't fit into it doesn't mean I'm superior. Just like you. You're different to the rest of human kind, but that doesn't make you superior."

"You say I'm not superior? You say all humans can do this!?" Tyki yelled, anger making a explosive appearance. He stepped through the chair he was sitting on, moving closer to Kanda.

Kanda didn't even flinch, his anger and revenge burning in his veins and leaving him in a state of calm. Because he was beyond red hot rage...beyond the point where he could scream and rip things apart.

He was so much more gone...and yet he wasn't. He was completely calm. Stable. Grounded. And it made him pleased...because he would be able to feel everything so much clearer.

Including Tyki's death.

"Maybe. But you will fall when the humans do. Because you are still human. Still relying on the earth to rotate on its axis. Still relying on the sun to rise everyday. All you Noah's are doing is killing yourselves."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. But luckily for you, you won't have to live that long."

"Won't I, exorcist?" Tyki said, barely a meter from Kanda, a creepy smile on his face. Kanda couldn't wait to rip him apart. Tear that jaw back so far that his mouth spilt and the skin shredded. Until his skull broke away from his jawbone.

"Yes." Was all he said.

And then they were at each other tooth and nail.

Block, parry, strike. Block, parry, strike. Kanda repeated the movements, watching and waiting for a falter in Tyki's defence.

Fight wore on, and soon Kanda lost his weapon in favour of hand to hand fighting. Up close, personal and _vicious_. They destroyed the room around them, table smashing under their weight and Tyki threw Kanda on top of it. Kanda rolled to the side as Tyki came down with his hand. Tyki went through it, but Kanda grabbed his head and smashed the pretty vase, the one that had adorned the table, against it.

Tyki jumped back, not expecting to be injured. He looked slightly shocked, putting a hand to his head as it came away black. Oozing darkness like tar.

Kanda hissed at him threateningly, jumping from the table and launching himself at him. They rolled, punching and dodging and kicking. Kanda knew if Tyki was not distracted he could easily put his fist through Kanda and rip something vital out when he changed form.

But Kanda's plan entitled him being as distracting with possible until he found a weakness he could exploit.

And it was working well...Until Tyki managed to change form just in time to rip a chunk of tissue from Kanda's side, tearing his coat in the process. Kanda flinched at the wound, but barely tore his gaze from Tyki. It didn't matter, he would heal.

Nothing mattered. Who cared anyway? It was just another petal. Another part of his lotus that was falling apart. He didn't care. Didn't care if his lotus was falling and crumbling.

Because it was just going to be joining the rest of him, spiralling down to hell.

"What a monster you have become, Exorcist" Tyki said. Watching Kanda's wound close only a moment after Tyki inflicted it.

Kanda only snarled viciously, a sinister smirk stretching wide across his lips.

He knew he wasn't a monster, at least not in the way Tyki thought. But, if Tyki insisted...

So he would be.

* * *

Kanda kept forwards, slipping under Tyki's guard to sweep out his feet from under him, his right leg knocking the back of Tyki's knees.

Tyki's body worked the same way as a humans did. And Kanda knew his way around those muscles and bones. The way they stretched and moved and bended.

And he also knew how they broke.

Tyki stumbled, caught off guard by the sudden change of tactic. And that was all Kanda needed. He brought Tyki forward with the force, gripping his skull and turning to his side to slam Tyki's head onto the wood next to his left foot.

Tyki's head slammed hard, his skull went through the floorboards three inches, snapping and splintering the wood. Kanda hissed with pleasure at the sound it made.

He couldn't wait to destroy him. To tear him apart, inside and out. Flesh from bone and body from mind. He couldn't wait to break him.

Break him like he broke Allen.

* * *

Both matched in poweress and skill. But Kanda had one thing Tyki didn't.

God damned, bone deep _stubbornness_.

...and maybe a little bit of love. Just a smidgen.

But you could bet your life that those words would never leave his mouth.

* * *

"Burn in hell, monster." He hissed in Tyki's ear, his head held between Kanda's hands. Blood ran down both their faces, clothes torn and blood soaked from all the times they were wounded and healed. Over and over.

Kanda's tattoo was covering his whole chest now, winding obsidian trendils cutting across the planes of his skin like the curling stems of a fast growing weed.

He could feel everything he had slowly withering away as it grew. And it should have scared him. Should make him stop in fear for his own life.

But he didn't give a shit.

Not anymore.

Because he was supposed to die before Allen. That was the way it was supposed to go. Time demanded it to end that way. It was supposed to be set in stone, set firmly in time.

But they were the opposite of chronological.

Time was against Kanda. Was against him his whole life, and even now. He was going to die soon. Very soon.

And he didn't think it would be so bad.

But, still. It had to wait. Allen had to wait for him for just a few more hours.

He had to finish this first...Finish him.

So Allen would finally be free. Vengeance be served. Time be reset, back to the way it should have been. Allen would be free, allowed to move on peacefully.

And so would he.

* * *

Tyki's body fell with a wet slap. Joining the puddle of blood that covered the floor. Both black and red. It was an equal fight.

And he should be happy. Should be relived now that this dark stain on the world was gone. Kanda should be dancing or parading down the streets.

...but the only thing he could do was cry.

Curl up in the pools of blood and stare blankly at the roof, tears running down his face. Cry the same tears that Allen did when he died on the floor below.

Tears of somebody that had nothing left.

Because now there was nothing left to motivate him. Nothing left to occupy his mind and keep it from straying to the reason he was doing this all. Now all he could do was sit and think. Think about everything and everyone.

Think about Allen.

The bright smile on his face when they first met. Holding hand out to Kanda. The tears he cried on his first mission, but the fierceness behind them that had left Kanda reeling. The determination in his eyes when he was protecting the Singing Doll. The fight in his body when he fought against Tyki.

...the light leaving his eyes when he died in Kanda's arms.

All he could to was lay there, think...and cry.

Because now he had nothing left to fight for.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Komui said quietly, voice deafening in the large but empty room. The grand hall was forlorn, somber and quiet. The funeral was over. Everyone had left. Last words said and blessings given. Kanda stayed behind, waiting.

He didn't have the strength to go back to his room and die alone.

And besides, he prefer to be by the side of the only one that had truly understood him.

"Don't be...there is so shame in dying" Kanda said, turning away from the reserved and broken man. He didn't really care about the man's pain, sue him. He couldn't bring himself to give a shit about anything anymore

Not when Allen lay dead in the glass coffin.

He heard the man leave as he approached Allen's body. Looking so angelic and delicate in the stream of light that cradled his coffin, lighting him from the massive stained glass windows above.

And of course his coffin was frick'n glass. Of course. They'd laid him on a bed of roses, in full bloom and crimson against his pale features. He had three roses in his hands, the vibrant red petals far too bright against his colourless complexion.

His white suit covered the thin line that stretched across his chest, stitched neatly together.

Kanda stood next to the glistening clear coffin, staring down at Allen's dead body. From behind, he could have looked like he was simply looking down at Allen, emotionless and expressionless.

But he wasn't.

His chest ached, with all the things he needed to say. All the emotions he needed to tell.

But, if he was honest...even if he had all the time in the world, he wouldn't have said them anyway.

He didn't talk much. Silent and stoic. But that was where Allen came in. Filling up the empty space his presence failed to fill.

And now everything felt so empty.

The light shined off his coffin, lighting up his greyscale features so he almost looked alive. But Kanda wasn't fooling anyone. Not even himself.

Because if Allen had been alive, he never would have been that still. Kanda stood there in the light with him. Staring down at his blank face and closed eyes.

And the world had never felt this dark.

Despite the angelic light upon them. Despite the light that filled the room and reflected of his coffin...

Kanda's heart felt cold and dark.

He was empty. Broken. There was no drive within him. No will to fight anymore. There was no light to guide him. Not anymore.

He was alone in the darkness that consumed his soul, from the inside.

Kanda felt the pain within him roll through him again and again. But he simply stood, watching...waiting.

It wouldn't be so bad if Allen was the last thing he saw.

Because they had been so similar, hadn't they? So complex and different, like the sun and the moon. But somehow, they just_ did._

They understood each other, bound together by the same circumstance.

A tether between them, so aching formed and hard fought against. The bond that had become so strong, building a resistance against attacks from the outside and from them themselves.

And yet it had been broken so simply.

He felt empty. The Moon without his Sun to light him up inside. To help him complete his work, do his job. The Sun wasn't there to be reflected through him. To make everything so beautiful and bright.

He was useless now.

Just floating in the dark.

But soon he wouldn't need to worry about that. Because he wouldn't be there either. Screw you world, figure it out yourself.

Kanda had better places to be.

Sudden and unexpected pain ripped through Kanda, like getting stabbed in the back. And, he knew what that felt like.

He staggered forward, slumping over Allen's coffin.

He braced his hands on the surface, looking down at Allen's porcelain face only a few inches away, separated by the glass.

It hurt. A lot. His heart and his body. But he stayed, blank faced and accepting. He had known this was going to happen.

So he just let it.

Let the pain run through him, waves crashing on him one after the other. He stayed, until his legs gave out and his hands on the coffin was his only support.

Ironic that Allen would be his support in dying, just like Kanda had been for him. Holding him up and letting him go.

But Allen wasn't here to see him through it.

So he had to let himself go. Let all thoughts of things left unfinished float from his mind. Embrace whatever lay ahead.

He didn't think he would go to heaven. Allen was there, though. He _was_.

Because if there was anything Kanda knew, it was that Allen was good. Deep within him, despite the abuse his body had sustained.

His heart was good and pure.

...What other guy tried to save everyone, even his enemies?

So Kanda believed with all his being that Allen was there. Laying in the clouds.

Him on the other hand, he didn't know. He might go to hell. He might go nowhere, because, after all, he was only made. He shouldn't exist to begin with.

But even if he did go to hell. It would be fine.

Because Allen would still be his mirror. Looking down at him from his bed of clouds as Kanda lay on his bed of nails. Still be the Sun to his Moon.

Allen would be free. And so would he, in his own way.

Because his freedom was a byproduct of Allen's. As long as Allen was free, so would he.

In his heart.

And that was all that mattered.

Because Allen could float, soaring and drifting on his wings of gold. And Kanda would just follow him, mirror his movements from below.

He would follow Allen everywhere.

Even in death.

...Because he was always going to be Allen's shadow.

Kanda huffed against the glass, his full weight resting on Allen's coffin. It fogged for a moment, before clearing.

"You're still a Moyashi, Allen." He smirked. And it was okay that Allen didn't reply. That he didn't huff in distain and explode with a rant that included "BaKanda" somewhere.

It was okay.

It was all okay now.

Allen was dead. And it was okay. He was alone, but that was _okay_. Because they'd be together soon. Maybe not in distance but in heart.

Because even if they were separated by heaven and hell, Kanda would still find him.

He'd would always find him.

Kanda felt his vision going, Allen's face darkening before him. His limbs tingled, nerves short circuiting because he couldn't move them.

And it was all okay.

Kanda closed his eyes, resting his head against the glass with a smile on his face.

Because Kanda found him.


End file.
